2010 in review

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Minty-Fresh™.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 1,900 times in 2010. That’s about 5 full 747s.

 

In 2010, there were 4 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 201 posts. There were 3 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 3mb.

The busiest day of the year was August 3rd with 28 views. The most popular post that day was Richard W. Nield (RIP 6-26-10).

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were blogsurfer.us, tips-tools-tutorials.com, mariaozawa2u.blogspot.com, en.wordpress.com, and yandex.ru.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for sitting in the morning sun, doris day 2009, when i’m worried and i can’t sleep, when i’m worried and i can’t sleep lyrics, and 17.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

1

Richard W. Nield (RIP 6-26-10) August 2010

2

When I’m worried and I can’t sleep August 2008

3

Brevard Zoo, Melbourne, FL A nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t… January 2009

4

Sitting in the morning sun August 2008

5

Rules of Caretaking for Alzheimer’s Disorder August 2008

So Beat It, Just Beat It!

They Told Him Don’t You Ever Come Around Here
So To Day, I decided it was time to start blogging again.  I know, I know you’re really relieved.  What changed my mind?  I think I turned a corner.  A while back I was going through a lot of grief with my family and I think I just really worked myself through all that emotional crap.  I moved out of my DS’s house.  That was a pretty unpleasant experience.  But I made it though it and it even looks right now like I’m going to make it to the other side.  Well let’s hope so. 

Don’t Wanna See Your Face, You Better Disappear
The most recent news that’s been happening to me of late is that my Dad, you know my Dad with

Dad can't sit up. DB is supporting Dad with his Body. While DS is taking Dad's temp.

Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD) is back in the hospital with pneumonia and a very bad UTI.  Of course UTI are known to make senior citizen’s very disoriented and appear really out of it.  Dad was all of these things.  But with a few days of antibiotics, he was back to his old self.  Now he’s keeping the staff at the hospital busy chasing him around all night until of course he is moved to a nursing home.   Which should happen in a day or two.  We’re all torn up about the decision, especially my DS, who is charged with the care of dad.  But it truly is time.  The family has gotten to a point where they cannot function and take care of Dad as well.  Mostly because we need to sleep at night and we not addicted to dysfunctional behavior.  At least not all of us.  But that’s another blog, as they say. 

The Fire’s In Their Eyes And Their Words Are Really Clear
We’re all worried about how Dad will take the move.  Dad is nearly at a place where he won’t notice.  Where he currently lives most of the time he is in a dream world; where occasionally we the members of our family step in and out of the dream where Dad lives.  Dad sees people who aren’t there, he’ll tap you on the shoulder half expecting his hand to go right through you, like the midst he’s living in currently.  When you acknowledge his touch, Dad will smile with a surprised laugh.    And then he’ll start talking to someone who is not there.  It’s sad really, Dad can be so animated, that it’s hard to believe he is so ill.  But we know that he is very ill with AD.  And we all pray, in our own way, that the cure for AD is right around the corner.  Deep Breath…

So Beat It, Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
So tomorrow this time, there is a really good chance that Dad will be placed in a nursing home (Hopefully, not too far from where I live ((fingers crossed))).   So be a dear and keep your fingers crossed for our family that we make it through this next very painful step we’re in the midst of taking.  A few prayers would be welcomed as well. 

You Better Run, You Better Do What You Can
What’s been going on with me?  Well, glad you asked.  I’ve been working in a call center in the evenings.  It’s a nice job if you’re not looking for a challenge.  Truthfully, I’m just happy to be working!!!!  I’ve made a few good friends where I work.  The things that connect us are, our ages, our trials, and our tribulations.  We hang out at break time.  Just a short fifteen minute break.  Where we bring a snack, and share a few insights, laugh at each other and what not.  We’re all women between the ages of 50 and 65 years of age.  And there’s one guy in the same age group whom I’ve decided is studying us for a new docudrama he’s dreaming up.  He finds the way we relate to each other interesting.  huh.  That’s a new one.  Most times, middle age women just fade into the wood work.  So we’re all very amused with our audience. 

Don’t Wanna See No Blood, Don’t Be A Macho Man
Where  I work, most of the call center floor is filled with kids between ages 17 and 25 years of age.  My group of friends are dinosaurs compared to these kids.  But like cream, we all rose to the top of the call center numbers, and we dominate the top numbers.  All of us in my group we’re caught off guard by our current “recession/depression” depending on how you see it.  We all have carried respectable jobs in real industries in the past and find ourselves irreverent to the current job market.  So now we’re all working in the call center industry currently until the job market opens up again

You Wanna Be Tough, Better Do What You Can
What will I do next?  I dunno, but if there’s an open position for beach bum, I’m all over it!!    But I’ll probably go back to being a program manager for a local company in Kennedy Space Center, if I’m lucky.   What happened to my nursing dreams?  Well, I started working in a corporation again, and I’m reminded how much I loved my old job of Marketing Program Manager.  I think I’ll expand my skill set to include engineering program management by taking some new classes.  And I think I’ll return to my first love.  At least for the time being until the world ends in 2012.  (That’s a joke, don’t cha know.)  No, the worlds not going to end in 2012, but the polar axis just might shift.  We’ll see if there is any significance to that date at all.  Mother Earth is going through a change and it won’t hurt if you are prepared for a change of surroundings. 

So Beat It, But You Wanna Be Bad
There is sooo much I want to share with you about what’s been going on in my life.  So many words, so little time.  I promise to fill you in as we move through time.  Wishing you well on your journey. 

Just Beat It, Beat It, Beat It, Beat It
No One Wants To Be Defeated
Showin’ How Funky Strong Is Your Fight
It Doesn’t Matter Who’s Wrong Or Right
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It
Just Beat It, Beat It

Many Thanks to MJ for the use of his lyrics to “Beat It“.

Nightingale

Sing us a song
I’m writing at my desk at 4:40 am.  Another long sleepless night.  menopause strikes again.  I finally decided to get up and blog for a while, perhaps it will help me sleep. 

Of a love that once belonged
About Dad:  Dad has become so frail lately.  It’s hard to describe.  All he says is that he feels so old.  Then he asks me how old he is.  And he asks what year it is and he does the math to figure out if he’s really 77 years young. 

Nightingale
It’s heart breaking really.  Watching Dad unravel while Alzheimer’s ravages his mind and body.  Some how you wish you could spear him the pain, but you know you can’t.   I do pray with him a lot while were together.  It seems to comfort Dad.  I also try to send him energy from my heart while we hold hands, hoping it will give him the energy to enjoy life while he can. 

Tell me your tale Was your journey far too long?
And yet  I feel Dad is slowly disappearing.    I pray I am true to Dad till the end.  And never give up on him. 

Many Thanks to Nora Jones for the use of her Lyrics “Nightingale”.

Billie Jean is not my lover

She’s just a girl who claims that I am the one
I hardly know what to write today.  My DS and I have been given the glorious gift of a mini-break from Dad.  Dad is in respite at the VA while we take a short vacation.  And none too soon either.  We were both losing our minds.  Dad is in Stage II of Alzheimer’s Disorder.  Most of the time currently Dad is delusional.  His delusions are mostly that he is back in the Korean War fighting the Chinese OR that he is home with his Mother eating dinner, breakfast or what not.  Either way it’s difficult to cut through the delusions to reach Dad.  My DS is much better at doing this than I am.  When we find Dad in the throws of a delusion, we’ve been instructed to just go along with the delusion.  Some days this is more difficult than others.  I have the most difficult time doing this when Dad instructs me to take him home to his Mother’s home in Illinois (we live in Florida).  What my DS has found that works well, is when he says to take him home.  Just drive around following his instructions until he gives up on the delusion.  This does take patience and quite a bit of time.  Dad is due to return to our care again this coming Saturday.  Already we’re counting down the days, hours, minutes. 

But the kid is not my son
I must admit, I am eager to see Dad again.  I’ve missed him.  Although I do hope I can handle the craziness again.  This we shall see.  Wishing you well.

She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son

 

Many Thanks to Michael for the use of his Lyrics “Billie Jean”.  Miss you Michaelxxoo

Brahms’ lullaby

Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight
Hi!  I’ve been away for awhile.  Life was just turned up to TURBO speed where my Father with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD)  is concerned.  I hardly have the time to write any longer.  But I’m fiercely determined to continue blogging.  So where I can sneak in a minute or two, I’ll do so and we’ll see where it takes me. 

With lilies o’er spread is baby’s wee bed
Dad is napping right now.  He’s worn out because he was busy keeping every one awake all last night, wandering around the house asking where the bathroom might be.  I’m only letting him take a quick, short, 30 minute nap so he will still sleep tonight.  Just enough to refresh him.  I’m a big believer in naps, as I try to take one short nap every day in the afternoon.  I must say it does wonderful things for me. 

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Recently I’ve moved out of my DS’s house and into my own apartment.  It’s quite a wonderful feeling having my own place again.  No kids, no husbands to serve.  I’m really lovin it!  Sorry all you jealous women out there.  Of course I do take care of my Dad eight (8) hours a day, 4 days a week.  That is quite the challenge.  But it gives DS some space to do her job and keep her business running. 

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Just to recap, Dad is working through both Prostrate Cancer and AD right now.  Dad has probably had AD for at least 10 years now and we’re guessing that he’s just entering into stage 2 of the disease.    My DS is my father’s official caretaker, I’m just a sister who’s here to help her, the primary caretaker.  We’re very fortunate because Dad has remained quite functional these last ten years.  As a hospice volunteer, I’ve seen people with AD that couldn’t speak, walk or even feed themselves from the very first onset of the disease.  Dad is quite functional.  Only his memory has betrayed him so far. 

Lullaby and good night, thy mother’s delight
Lately, Dad’s Prostrate issues have caused him some pain.  He was in the hospital overnight because he couldn’t urinate (pee) because his prostrate was enlarged.  The Urologiest taught me how to catherize my Dad to help him relieve himself.  I don’t mind doing it because I’ve been considering going back to school to become an RN for a while now.  So Dad requires this procedure three (3) times a day.  Which he never remembers me doing (gratefully).   Well my brake is over, so I’ve got to go.  Until tomorrow!

 

Many Thanks to Brahm’s for the beautiful lullaby

I think I love you…

 

Ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Well my Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (DA) has turned a new page.  He must of had a large number of neurons die-off in his brain at the same time.  Suddenly Dad has absolutely no short-term memory, has a continuous need to return to his life in Chicago (we live in Florida)  Of course Dad believes Chicago is just a 40 mile trip from our present home, instead of the 1300 mile trip reality demands.   So now we find ourselves up at all hours of the night  trying to stop Dad from running away.  We find ourselves making up stories to help Dad accept his new surroundings.  Dad, “I have to get to Chicago, I’m starting a new job tomorrow.  Me: “Dad, your job called and said they had a terribly fierce snow storm and that their offices will be closed for at least a week while they remove the snow. ”

I’m sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
Being up at all hours of the night with Dad, it’s not bad.  I’ve just reverted back to my attitude when I had a newborn baby to feed every two hours.  I learned if I didn’t make it a big deal about losing sleep, it was a lot easier to live with – and it was. 

Like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knockin’ at my brain.
Dad has packed every piece of luggage he owns.  Dad says he had to go home to take care of his mother.  Which takes up down the road of reminding him that his Mother and Father are gone.  Dad cries for a while as he grieves anew.  DBL collects the packed bags and places them in the attic until this crisis is over.  We shake our heads and say there has got to be an easier way.  

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
Eventually I started making up all kinds of wild stories to keep dad in a happy frame of mind.  He’d notice a hub cap missing from the car.  I’d say I lost it while riding in a demolistion derby in town.  Dad would rave that I would do something so immature.  I’d smile and he’d realises I’m just kidding. 

“I think I love you!”
Last night I sat next to Dad’s bed and just like a meditation tape I begin to prepare Dad for meditation.   I take Dad down an imagine road to help him relax and slip deeply into sleep.  We try deep breathing exercises.  He fights me by reminding me that he has to go to Chicago in the morning.  And I continue, one by one addressing his fears and removing the fears (this type of meditation uses a great deal of imagination).   And after an hour or so, we end up at a place where we’re floating in the clouds surrounded by guardian angels.  I invite his entire family to join us in Spirit and they do.  Dad finds this the most comforting.  Dad asks me the names of his angels.  I draw on my bibilical knowledge of Angel names.  And we’re floating with the angels who will stand over us all night until morning arrives.  Dad starts snoring.  I wait a little while longer and then creep back to my bedroom and bed.  Where I fall into a deep sleep.  Until 2 am of course when Dad wakes me up, with all his belongings in his arms (since all his luggage has dissapeared).  You might think my meditation was a failure, but I tell you, it was much easier to get Dad back to bed (just a few minutes) so I could returned to my bed of dreams. 

 This morning
I woke up with this feeling
I didn’t know how to deal with
I plan on continuing the meditations to see if I can help Dad allay his fears and relax.  Wishing you all a sweet night sleep. 

 And so I just decided to myself
I’d hide it to myself and never talk about it
And didn’t I go and shout it
When you walked into the room
“I think I love You.”

 

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

I don’t know what I’m up against.
I don’t know what it’s all about.
I got so much to think about.

Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

Believe me,
You really don’t have to worry.
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
“Hey, go away,” I will, but I think better still
I’d better stay around and love you.
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?

I think I love you.  Many Thanks to David Cassidy for the use of his lyrics.

I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

Sister Julius, a Dominican nun who taught my eight grade class mystified us with the above quote.  I’m not sure if this was an original quote or something she struggled with at graduate school.  Sister Julius discovered “dippidy doo” when she was a Graduate Student.  I’m not sure she received any of the proceeds from her discovery, since I’m pretty sure she took a vow of poverty.  However, I could be wrong. 

Sister Julius and my parents always had a good laugh about me on Parent/Teacher meetings during school.  My parents would always exclaim that I said I was doing good at school and Sr. Julius would mockingly hold her head in wonderment.  I’ve always been a great optimist.  Never did a stitch of homework, which was my downfall.  Sr. Julius never judged me harshly for being a free spirit. 

I sometimes wonder what happened to Sr. Julius at St. Patrick’s grade school.  The last time I heard about her she had gone back to school to get her doctorate. 

One thing about going to St. Patrick’s school in grade school.  It seems to me, that everything and anything that I learn there has served me very well.  At St. Patricks I learned about the constitution.  I remember watching President Bush and VP Cheney break the law and ignore the U.S. constitution and wondered why I was the only person upset by this. 

At St. Patrick’s grade school I also learned grammer.  Yes, Sr. Julius thought I wasn’t listening to class, but I was.  I still recall the grammatical rules now and then that I learned in Grade School.  Funny, I thought I’d never put them to good use. 

I haven’t really seen Sr. Julius since I graduated from eight grade.  I do appreciate all her teachings.  I wish I had a picture to show you of Sr. Julius.  But Alas, I don’t.    Wishing you and yours a good night.

The Wrap-Up for Today

 I’m just wrapping up for the day.  I just made a couple dozen chocolate chip cookies, to mail to my son tomorrow.  I also pulled a good Chicken Satay recipe off Cooks.com.  To prepare for dinner tomorrow. 

My brother K is visiting from out of town, and I’m really enjoying getting to know him all over again.  He is as sick as a dog with a nasty cold.  So maybe I’m not getting to know his real self.  But all the same, it’s good.  Dad is happy to have K around as well. 

My brother K is an animation artist.  And he can be extremely funny when he wants to be.  When we listen to him at dinner we just sit there giggling and laughing the whole time.  Just about peeing our pants from laughing so hard.  It will be sad when it’s time for him to return home. 

My Dad from time to time will confuse K with his brother E (my uncle) or his father (my grandfather).  The family resemblance is pretty strong. 

I missed an opportunity to take a picture of K when he was napping (in an attempt to recover from the cold).  All the dogs were sleeping on top of him, he couldn’t move an inch.  Good thing he enjoys animals. 

The only thing missing from this coming holiday is my Son Brody who is in California with his Dad.  So this makes me sad. : – ( 

K and I are looking ahead to what we’re going to prepare for dinner on Easter.  We’ve decided to cook a turkey.  K will figure out what recipe we’ll use.  I get to cook.  I’ll let you know how it all goes.  It should be interesting.

I used to rule the world

Seas would rise when I gave the word
Well Friday is nearly spent.  I’ve been reflecting a lot on life today.  I’ve said before that I’m 51 years young.  I don’t know,  it seems like the years snuck up on me.  I was forty and enjoying life and had the world by the balls, then suddenly everything changed.  The song by Coldplay, Viva La Vida really says it all for me. 

Now in the morning I sleep alone
I watch my Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD) and I am keenly aware that my Dad feels very much the same.  Once he ruled the world, but now that has all gone away.  It’s a difficult thing to deal with at any age.  When my Dad and I go for a drive we talk a lot about the old days.  And I always find it remarkable that someone with AD can remember so much from when he was an young man.  I wonder, I doubt it may be true, but then it makes so much sense…I start to believe him. 

Sweep the streets I used to own
People with AD sometimes make up stories.  It’s not a lie.  The disease is actually re-writing their memory.  My family has learned not to argue with Dad when he is in the throws of creating a good, nonfactual story. 

I used to roll the dice
It’s interesting what happens to people when they are diagnosed with AD.  People often say that with AD people become more like themselves.  If they were a mean person in life, they will be a mean person with AD.  and so on, if they were kind, more kindness.  That is definitely true with my Dad.  He has shown himself to be a truly remarkable human being.  Even in the most difficult of times, Dad shows patience and humility.  Except of course, when he is in the throws of Sundowner Syndrome, but that can’t be helped.

Feel the fear in my enemy’s eyes
Here’s a picture of Dad with his little Shuhtze ” Caitlyn”.  Caitlyn just had her hair groomed for Spring.  Isn’t she a pretty little filly.  Well I guess that’s enough of my thoughts for the day.  Wishing you a happy Weekend!!

 

Many Thanks to Coldplay for the use of their lyrics from Viva La Vida as the headers for each paragraph.  I love the words to this song so much, I just had to write them all out here. 

Listen as the crowd would sing
“Now the old king is dead! Long live the king!”

One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can’t explain
Once you go there was never
Never an honest word
And that was when I ruled the world

It was the wicked and wild wind
Blew down the doors to let me in
Shattered windows and the sound of drums
People couldn’t believe what I’d become

Revolutionaries wait
For my head on a silver plate
Just a puppet on a lonely string
Oh who would ever want to be king?

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can’t explain
I know Saint Peter won’t call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

I hear Jerusalem bells a ringing
Roman Cavalry choirs are singing
Be my mirror, my sword and shield
My missionaries in a foreign field

For some reason I can’t explain
I know Saint Peter won’t call my name
Never an honest word
But that was when I ruled the world

Sundowners

Well this evening was a busy one.  I went to my Community Band rehearsal.  My Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD), my sister and her hubby went out to dinner with friends.  We all arrived home about 10 pm.  Just in time for Dad’s latest Sundowners episode.  We’re still learning about Sun Downers Syndrome.  And we’re not quite comfortable with handling it. 

Here’s a definition of Sundowners Syndrom from WISE GEEK:  “Sundowners syndrome, also known as sundowning, is a condition often associated with the early stages of Alzheimer’s, although a definitive connection has not been made. Sundowners syndrome can also be considered a mood disorder or even a sleep disorder. Sufferers experience periods of extreme agitation and confusion during the late afternoon or early evening hours, leading to irritability towards caregivers or hospital staff. It was once believed that sundowners syndrome was a result of missed day/night light cues, hence the sudden onset at sundown. Current research points towards more organic causes such as drug interactions or stress associated with lower cognitive function.” cont

“Caregivers and nursing homestaff members can often anticipate an elderly patient’s bout of sundowners‘ syndrome. A period of irrational thoughts and irritable behavior might begin after the last meal of the day and last until bedtime, for example. One theory concerning sundowners‘ syndrome is that the constant daily mental processes for normal living can become overwhelming for the elderly during evening hours. They simply have too much incoming information and their restricted cognitive abilities become overloaded. The result is a period of irritability and negative thoughts.”

Dad is going around asking everyone where his car keys are.  He is punching the walls and demanding we give him the keys to the car.  We each in our own way, try to calm Dad down.  We can’t give him the car keys, we’d be responsible for any vehicular death caused by Dad driving in this confused state.  Not to mention what would happen to Dad. 

Finally we convinced Dad that he lost the keys, and that it would take a few days to replace them.  We also took his blood sugar and it was 297 – very high.  Apparently dinner was a little too rich for Dad.  Consequently we gave Dad additional insulin to compensate for the high blood sugar.  Now it’s just a matter of time for him to come down. 

I can see you asking yourself…Is Sundowners’ Syndrome cause by high blood sugar?  Well the jury is still out on that question.  However, Dad’s new Neurologist does agree that High Blood Sugarcan make Sundowners worst.  So we try to keep the blood sugar even keel as much as possible. 

Right now Dad is still trying to convince me to drive him to Chicago where he lives.   It’s going to be a long, stressful night.