Brahms’ lullaby

Lullaby and good night, with roses bedight
Hi!  I’ve been away for awhile.  Life was just turned up to TURBO speed where my Father with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD)  is concerned.  I hardly have the time to write any longer.  But I’m fiercely determined to continue blogging.  So where I can sneak in a minute or two, I’ll do so and we’ll see where it takes me. 

With lilies o’er spread is baby’s wee bed
Dad is napping right now.  He’s worn out because he was busy keeping every one awake all last night, wandering around the house asking where the bathroom might be.  I’m only letting him take a quick, short, 30 minute nap so he will still sleep tonight.  Just enough to refresh him.  I’m a big believer in naps, as I try to take one short nap every day in the afternoon.  I must say it does wonderful things for me. 

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Recently I’ve moved out of my DS’s house and into my own apartment.  It’s quite a wonderful feeling having my own place again.  No kids, no husbands to serve.  I’m really lovin it!  Sorry all you jealous women out there.  Of course I do take care of my Dad eight (8) hours a day, 4 days a week.  That is quite the challenge.  But it gives DS some space to do her job and keep her business running. 

Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed
Just to recap, Dad is working through both Prostrate Cancer and AD right now.  Dad has probably had AD for at least 10 years now and we’re guessing that he’s just entering into stage 2 of the disease.    My DS is my father’s official caretaker, I’m just a sister who’s here to help her, the primary caretaker.  We’re very fortunate because Dad has remained quite functional these last ten years.  As a hospice volunteer, I’ve seen people with AD that couldn’t speak, walk or even feed themselves from the very first onset of the disease.  Dad is quite functional.  Only his memory has betrayed him so far. 

Lullaby and good night, thy mother’s delight
Lately, Dad’s Prostrate issues have caused him some pain.  He was in the hospital overnight because he couldn’t urinate (pee) because his prostrate was enlarged.  The Urologiest taught me how to catherize my Dad to help him relieve himself.  I don’t mind doing it because I’ve been considering going back to school to become an RN for a while now.  So Dad requires this procedure three (3) times a day.  Which he never remembers me doing (gratefully).   Well my brake is over, so I’ve got to go.  Until tomorrow!

 

Many Thanks to Brahm’s for the beautiful lullaby

The follow-up of the Wrap-up for Yesterday.

Well, I did make the Chicken Satay today.  I was disappointed with the recipe.  It wasn’t as good as I hoped it would be.  Dad as you may remember has Alzheimer’s Disorder.  The one thing you can count on Dad for these days is to tell you the truth about your cooking.  He hated the Chicken Satay.  Took one bite and then gave the rest to the dogs.   The dogs however loved the recipe. 

Today was an absolutely beautiful day.  There was a surfing contest on the beach, and a lot of traffic to make it through to see the contest.  I never made it.  One reason I live in Florida is because I don’t like crowds.  So I avoid them when ever possible.  I did capture a picture of someone para sailing today as I whizzed by the beach in my car.  By the way the beaches were packed with people and cars. 

Today I was watching Real Time with Bill Maher,among the guests in the show this evening was Gore Vidal.  Whom I don’t know a lot about I’m sorry to say.  I do remember my mother (God bless her soul), loved Gore Vidal.  My mother was a smart lady, with a high IQ.  So my ears perked up when I heard he was going to be on the show.  I just loved what Gore Vidal had to say about the Bush administration.  We were stripped of our constitutional rights many times during his eight year administration.  And you know the entire time he did this there was not one public outcry by the press about the violence against the American Constitution.  This is one of the primary reasons we have a free press.  One of the things Gore Vidal said was he wanted the new administration to say that they were going to give the country back the U. S. Constitution.  I’m all for that, right now I’m applauding Gore Vidal.   I really do hope that the Bush administration is prosecuted for the wrong doing that went on during his administration. 

One of the things I like best about the Bill Maher show is that he invites people on his show with ideas he doesn’t necessarily agree with, but he hears them out.  In a way, he seems to learn from the people whom he invites on his show.

Sundowners

Well this evening was a busy one.  I went to my Community Band rehearsal.  My Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD), my sister and her hubby went out to dinner with friends.  We all arrived home about 10 pm.  Just in time for Dad’s latest Sundowners episode.  We’re still learning about Sun Downers Syndrome.  And we’re not quite comfortable with handling it. 

Here’s a definition of Sundowners Syndrom from WISE GEEK:  “Sundowners syndrome, also known as sundowning, is a condition often associated with the early stages of Alzheimer’s, although a definitive connection has not been made. Sundowners syndrome can also be considered a mood disorder or even a sleep disorder. Sufferers experience periods of extreme agitation and confusion during the late afternoon or early evening hours, leading to irritability towards caregivers or hospital staff. It was once believed that sundowners syndrome was a result of missed day/night light cues, hence the sudden onset at sundown. Current research points towards more organic causes such as drug interactions or stress associated with lower cognitive function.” cont

“Caregivers and nursing homestaff members can often anticipate an elderly patient’s bout of sundowners‘ syndrome. A period of irrational thoughts and irritable behavior might begin after the last meal of the day and last until bedtime, for example. One theory concerning sundowners‘ syndrome is that the constant daily mental processes for normal living can become overwhelming for the elderly during evening hours. They simply have too much incoming information and their restricted cognitive abilities become overloaded. The result is a period of irritability and negative thoughts.”

Dad is going around asking everyone where his car keys are.  He is punching the walls and demanding we give him the keys to the car.  We each in our own way, try to calm Dad down.  We can’t give him the car keys, we’d be responsible for any vehicular death caused by Dad driving in this confused state.  Not to mention what would happen to Dad. 

Finally we convinced Dad that he lost the keys, and that it would take a few days to replace them.  We also took his blood sugar and it was 297 – very high.  Apparently dinner was a little too rich for Dad.  Consequently we gave Dad additional insulin to compensate for the high blood sugar.  Now it’s just a matter of time for him to come down. 

I can see you asking yourself…Is Sundowners’ Syndrome cause by high blood sugar?  Well the jury is still out on that question.  However, Dad’s new Neurologist does agree that High Blood Sugarcan make Sundowners worst.  So we try to keep the blood sugar even keel as much as possible. 

Right now Dad is still trying to convince me to drive him to Chicago where he lives.   It’s going to be a long, stressful night.

California Dreamin

 

All the leaves are brown (all the leaves are brown)
Wow! it’s been over 10 days since I last posted.  I’ve had the flu, and I’m not completely over it.  I thought I might have lost my mojo for writing, but I guess it was just the exhaustion the flu brings.  I feel better now. 

and the sky is gray (and the sky is gray).
Recently, I’ve really been feeling overwhelmed with the task of taking care of Dad.  Somewhere a long the way, it stopped being fun and became more of a drudgery.  I feel bad about this, because my dad deserves better than this.  But now I understand why some people put their parents in homes almost from the beginning.  Once they lose their humanity and begin to reason like children, it’s very hard to continue to care for them.  I think I let myself get too close to the situation.  It’s easier if you keep your distance.  Today, my family and I – all the caretakers went to a support group for caretakers of Alzheimer’s Disorder patients.   I just felt raw afterwords.  It was like opening a wound to cleanse it.  I don’t know how this will all end.  I hope as a family we will help dad find his path in the most dignified and loving way possible. 

I’ve been for a walk (I’ve been for a walk)
Right now, I’m watching a movie on HBO “The namesake”.  I just love this movie about an Indian family moving to and integrating into our American society.  It’s very interesting to me.  I don’t know why, it just is.  Every nationality who has made the journey to America has had to make the difficult transition to becoming an American.  I like any other voyeur enjoy watching the way different families express themselves in this important process. 

on a winter’s day (on a winter’s day).
I know when the Irish (my ancestors)  made their way to freedom in America it was just as foreign and just as different.  We came with all the baggage any other country might bring.  Our stories, our prayers, our strange customs, and yet we made it as Americans, just the same.  God is good. 

I’d be safe and warm (I’d be safe and warm)
I’ve always had a strange fascination with the Eastern Indians, I do hope to make a pilgrimage in their country one day.  Perhaps spend a few months in an ashram.  We’ll see.  I can dream can’t I? 

if i was in L.A. (if I was in L.A.).
Additionally, I love Eastern Indian food as well.  I love their stories, their lessons about life and I think the richness they bring with them to American, blesses us all as well.  My favorite god is Lord Ganesha, he has the head of an elephant with a mouse at his feet.  There is no problem too big or too small for Lord Ganesha. 

California Dreaming (California dreamin‘)
And yet, I realize my thoughts on India are only a fantasy, I really know nothing about East Indians or their culture.  I have no Indian friends.  I only know enough to get me in serious trouble in a conversation.  And so I leave my fantasy behind and continue walking forward. 

on such a winter’s day!
In my fantasy today, I wonder if I’d ever have the heart to leave my Dad with his Alzheimer’s disorder and my sister, C and brother in law E to care for him.  I think now, no, I could never do it.  But if I did, how would I do it?  Would I leave in the middle of the night with a short note saying, …I had to leave in order to live my life.  Or  would I accept a job in California and proclaim that my career is calling me away??  What to do, what to do… 

California Dreamin‘
And yet, I know I’m too much of a coward to do either.  I could not leave my family alone and abandon in their time of need.  No, and not that I’ve never done such a thing either. . . I have, in my youth.  But now that I understand life and how it defines us, I know I must be here for my Dad in his time of need.  The only thing we truly have in this life is to show how we love each other.  It’s the only thing that truly defines us as humans and as spirits. 

Many Thanks to the Beach Boys for their lyrics to California Dreamin’.

We’re Family, Me and You!

Hey Gang, It’s December 18th and tomorrow is my 51st birthday!  Thought I should share that with you!  I dunno why, may because as I get up in years people make less and less of a fuss about you.  It could be the selfish part of myself talking. 

Update on me:  My Dad went into the hospital again last weekend with pneumonia.  My sister and I had a horrific fight during the hospital stay, not about Dad, we were both sleep deprived and raw after being in the hospital all night watching the staff restrain our father.   Dad was mis-behaving in the hospital and refused to be admitted.  It was a terrible scene to watch.  Dad was delusional most of the time and was imagining that he was being taken as a prisoner of war or being tackled as a running back with the Chicago bears.  Neither of these things actually ever happened to him, but with alzheimers, the disease actually re-writes part of their memory.  So what was true gets mixed in with stuff that never happened.  Dad was in the Korean was – was never taken as prisoner of war, and played running back in Highschool, but was drafted before he could go to college.  He returned to college when he returned from Korea.  The Chicago Bears are Dad’s favorite football team.

I found the experience of watching my father being restrain and medicated into oblivion very distressful.  And inhumane.  My friend, D. Who used to be a nurse assistant explained to me what it was best for the patient.  It was a safety issue.  Additionally the staff called Social Services on us, because I didn’t want my father restrained.  My sister may never forgive me, for Social Services being called.  She felt it was a stamp of White Trash.  I shrugged my shoulders because I knew she only felt that way because of the judgment she placed on me, all the times my ex-husband called social services on me, with my son.  Just another fun thing single mothers have to go through unnecessarily. 

I’ve started a new job, as a Marketing Representative for a local promotion company.  I sell advertising.  This is a reason my blogs have slowed down somewhat.  I’ve been busy pet sitting and working the new job at the same time.  Busy, very busy.  But it’s all good. 

Last night while I was working, a hugh spider appeared here where I am pet sitting.  I don’t know what kind of spider it was, but I’m guessing it was a wolf spider.  It was as big as my hand.  Since it wasn’t poisonous, I let the cats play with it.  Don’t worry, they didn’t have a chance to kill it.  Here’s a pic for you.   Sorry my digital camera doesn’t take good pictures of tiny insects or spiders.  Interesting that the spiders eye reflected the camera flash.    I guess I’ll have to get one of those fancy cameras to take pictures of all the cool bugs they have here in Florida.  Unlike anything I’ve ever seen any where else in the country.  Here’s another pic (right), I pulled off the Internet of a spider I see all the time outside, when I walk the dog.  It’s called a spiny orb weaver.  Isn’t it cool?  It looks a little like a crab doesn’t it.  I find all these little creatures fascinating. 

Anyhow, that’s my story and I’m going to stick with it.  Good talking with you again.  Stay cool, the world is always going to try and drag you down.  Luv, You!

Wow, Really busy day!

This morning I took Dad to a fasting Pet Scan.  No breakfast before we left (for Dad); Dad loves to eat, he made due with the situation.  After Pet scan took Dad to cafeteria for Lunch, as he had not eaten at all today.  Dad was in good spirits.  He decided not to go to the Senior Center later as he normally would.  So I dropped Dad off at home, and went to my pet-sitting assignment. 

Campee as this Burma Cat is called is my latest pet-sittie.  Campee will greet me by running to the front door and yelling at the top of his lungs!  So nice to be welcomed.  I love Burma Cats, they are so friendly and sweet.  Campee has a tabby face (the “M” on his forhead) and startling blue eyes. 

Pic on the upper Left is of a pond near our home with nine ibis’ scouting for bugs.

Pardon me, but did I leave my family behind in Chicago?

Last night, Dad woke me up at 2:30 am to ask me if I knew that he left his family all alone in Chicago with no food or money.  Dad was in a state of panic and was crying.  When I last saw Dad before I went to bed he was happily watching the Monday night football game.  I wondered how he got to this state.  Must have been a night mare. 

Dad and I sat down at the kitchen counter both savoring a glass of milk.  I asked Dad who he left behind in Chicago?  He said, Sharon, Ds, Ds, DB.  I looked at Dad and said I’m Sharon.  You didn’t leave me behind in Chicago, I’m right here and I’m okay!  Dad wasn’t going to be that easily dissuaded.  But what about your sisters and brother, there all little kids, they can’t fend for themselves. 

Dad,… were all grown up.  I’m 50 years old!  How old?  50 years 5 – 0 years old.  We’re all fine.  All grown up, there was absolutely nothing I could say to help Dad feel better.  I stayed up talking to Dad for over an hour before he would go back to bed. 

Then about 4:30 am, Dad was calling me from the kitchen again!  I was tired and yelled, Dad it’s in the middle of the night, please go back to bed.  I heard Dad as he made his way back to his bedroom.  I felt bad, but I was so tired and in the middle of a good dream. 

The next morning, I asked Dad about last night and he started crying again.  I gave Dad a big hug and told him, don’t worry things will look much better in the daylight.  That was the last time we spoke of his nightmare, he had forgotten about it by dinner.

Hey Dad! You ready to go home?

Yes, what took you so long, where have ’ya been?? 

Well we got here as soon as the hospital called us.  (Handing Dad his clean clothes). 

I’ve been waiting here, waiting to go home.  (toe tapping…)

Dad’s not happy.  He finally has the go-ahead to go home.  And we’re not moving fast enough to keep him happy. 

That look on Dads’ face is not a good sign.  When we were just kids, it would mean to disappear – head for the hills… to escape a swat on the behind.  Now that we’re adults, Dad just gives us the business with his attitude and a look on his face. 

Dad got dress and we were out of there!!  Dad was so happy to be released from the hospital.

Day four

Dad is starting to relax into his new home at the hospital.  Unfortunately for him, he’ll be returning home tomorrow.  The good news is that he is recovering from pneumonia and that the so called mass that the Doctors feared was a tumor was indeed pneumonia. 

And you can tell from Dad’s face that he’s feeling better too. 

Per Dad’s usual, Dad spent a good part of the Day arguing with me about why he couldn’t just leave the hospital and go home.  Lucky me, the hospital has pay per view movies.  So I used my credit card to order Dad some of his favorite Harry Potter movies.  It’s amazing, he really enjoys those movies and they quiet him right down.  He relaxed the rest of the day.

Take me out

To the ball game
(Left:  Caitlyn is wondering where Grandpa has gone.)  Today is day three at the hospital.  I could not visit Dad all day because I have the stomach flu. 

Take me out
Dad was not the ideal or perfect patient today.  Arguing with the nurses, trying to find his shoes so he could leave the hospital.(!!)  Finally, in the evening, I made an attempt to visit Dad and hopefully calm him down.  My attempt was thwarted, the nurse had given my Dad a sedative, and he was just going to sleep.  I gave a big sigh and found my way home again.

With the crowd
I came home to find Caitlyn, Dad’s dog feeling a little lost.  Where was her person?  She would wander around the house looking for somewhere to hang out.  She would end up in the middle of the living room floor, looking completely like a little orphan.  I adopted Caitlyn tonight, much to Cleo’s dismay.  They are both sleeping on my bed at opposite ends. 

Buy me some peanuts
Perhaps tomorrow, if the hospital allows it, I will be able to take Caitlyn with me to visit Dad.  Dad would really be cheered up with a visit from his dog.   Caitlyn is in training to be a Hound of Hospice currently. 

And Crackerjack
I don’t care if
I never never get back
Many Thanks for the use of the lyrics “Take me out to the Ball Game”.