Pardon me, but did I leave my family behind in Chicago?

Last night, Dad woke me up at 2:30 am to ask me if I knew that he left his family all alone in Chicago with no food or money.  Dad was in a state of panic and was crying.  When I last saw Dad before I went to bed he was happily watching the Monday night football game.  I wondered how he got to this state.  Must have been a night mare. 

Dad and I sat down at the kitchen counter both savoring a glass of milk.  I asked Dad who he left behind in Chicago?  He said, Sharon, Ds, Ds, DB.  I looked at Dad and said I’m Sharon.  You didn’t leave me behind in Chicago, I’m right here and I’m okay!  Dad wasn’t going to be that easily dissuaded.  But what about your sisters and brother, there all little kids, they can’t fend for themselves. 

Dad,… were all grown up.  I’m 50 years old!  How old?  50 years 5 – 0 years old.  We’re all fine.  All grown up, there was absolutely nothing I could say to help Dad feel better.  I stayed up talking to Dad for over an hour before he would go back to bed. 

Then about 4:30 am, Dad was calling me from the kitchen again!  I was tired and yelled, Dad it’s in the middle of the night, please go back to bed.  I heard Dad as he made his way back to his bedroom.  I felt bad, but I was so tired and in the middle of a good dream. 

The next morning, I asked Dad about last night and he started crying again.  I gave Dad a big hug and told him, don’t worry things will look much better in the daylight.  That was the last time we spoke of his nightmare, he had forgotten about it by dinner.

18 million voters and no where to call home.

TGIF!!!  Today went smoothly, Dad went to the Senior Center and had a good time.  We still have Doozer visiting us.  And I got slimed again tonight.  (He drools a lot.)  

Caitlyn, had her hair done today and we even have a pic to show you!!  

Dad and Caitlyn watching the Presidential Debate together….

Actually all the dogs watched the presidential debate with Dad and I.  Dad and I played “Keep Away” from the pups.  When they caught the toy we were playing with, they got a treat.  Everyone was trying to get in on the game but our big winner was Hanna.  Hanna was on top of her game.  But Doozer did catch the toy a few times too.  It was a good exercise for Dad, it helped him to stay alert.  When I debrief the dogs  (most of whom are older females, I might add) they had very good comments on the debate.  I asked Maggie what she thought of McCain and she gave a big yawn and rolled over.  Hanna (Pic, above), after I mentioned the name McCain, she said rooser, rooser (rhymes with boozer and starts with an L).  I raised my eyebrows and said REALLY, very interesting.  Then, I asked Caitlyn (Pic above right w/ Dad) what she thought about the debate and she said she thought both candidate had good groomers.  Is that so Caitlyn.  Caitlyn also thinks Marilyn did a great rendition of “Happy Birthday, Mr. President…”  
 

Well, I asked my Dad what he thought and he said he loved McCain.  I asked why and Dad went on about how he was in WWII fighting for the US ….?  Note to self:  hm, mmmm. 

To me for the first time I had a chance to hear Obama and I liked his presentation.  McCain came off as being a little pompous.  

All I know is I CANNOT wait to read this Other blog tomorrow.  It is the best political blog ever!!!   

http://riverdaughter.wordpress.com/2008/09/26/post-debate-thread-beautiful-theories-destroyed-by-ugly-facts/

This blog has a very good ideas and I usually agree with most of them.  (The blog has a number of contributing writers, Most of whom….liked Hillary. )  I mean catch the vision…. imagine our country being run by a seasoned, intelligent, women.  Well, what’s 18 million votes suppose to do, after their candidate loses the Democratic nomination??  We’re homeless now, that’s all I know.  What’s a girl to do.

Snowy Egret, Blue Heron, and Ibis oh my…

Saw the movie Ghost Town with my Dad this evening.  It was a good movie and I heartily recommend it.  It was VERY FUNNY.   I’ll give it four out of five stars. 

I also recently saw “Burn after reading”; I have nothing good to say about this movie.  I should note that I really don’t get farces for the most part, which is how this movie is described. Why did I see it?  I saw a misleading review.  From now on, I’m sticking with Reelz movie mob.  They always steer me to the good movies. 

You know, I don’t write about my daily interactions with my Dad because I’m concerned that, what I say might be demeaning to my Dad.  Let’s face it, most of the time, you’ll find me and my dad in dialog where I’m repeating myself over and over again.  And it either because of Dad’s poor hearing where he can’t hear the high tones on my voice OR because he’s forgotten what I told him just two beats ago.  All in all it can be very trying on the nerves. 

The picture below left is of a Floridian white Ibis that we see all over the place.  Florida really has the prettiest birds.  I just love looking at the birds!  We always see them in the early morning around the pond near our house.  There is always a small flock looking for breakfast.  The picture below right is of a large flock of Ibis, usually we only see numbers of 2, 3, or 4, sometimes as many as six on a daily basis.  We see a number of great blue heron or the snowy egret as well.  I’ll need to find you a picture of these birds.  The Snowy Egret is so beautiful, there are days when it takes my breath away.  I can also see two or three Osprey nest from my bedroom window.  We do have a number of Osprey in the area.   Amazing preditory birds.  Oh and lets not forget the Turkey Vultures, circling around their latest meal, thousands of miles above in the sky.  I’m sorry to see so much development going on in Florida, because you know what that’ll mean to these birds.  It’s really too bad we’re not more empowered to stop development that destroys our beautiful land. 

 Here is a good web site to view all the bird’s I mention from Florida.  http://stevesbirding.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html

Wishing you well.

Do Re Mi Fa Sol La Ti

Do – a deer a female deer
Okay, another difficult day with Dad.  Not all day.  Just this evening.  The day started out good with a run over to the VA for a fasting lab, and then breakfast in the Canteen (that’s the cafeteria to you regular folks).  And then I took Dad to the Senior Center for the Day. 

Re – a drop of golden sun
This evening, we joined some family members at the VFW to eat dinner.  Only Dad wasn’t hungry, he had had a late snack (4pm). 

Mi – a name I call myself
After dinner we drove home.  On the way home I was in living hell.   Dad started to think we were in Chicago, and that I was going the wrong way home.  So the entire drive home Dad yelled at me about me driving the wrong way, and could we just stop at the VFW to pick-up his car before it was stolen?  Dad:  “I need to get home tonight in Lemon, IL.  My dog Caitlyn is home alone and I don’t want her to starve to death.  Can you please take me home now?”  This whole monologue would repeat itself only in a more angrier and angrier tone.  All the while I was thinking, I hope he doesn’t hit me.  If he did hit me, what would I do?  What can I do to avoid being hit?  Should I call the police?  If I did get hit- how bad could it be??  

Fa – a long long way to run
Finally Dad quieted down and started to relax, and even apologized for yelling at me.  Which was truly amazing.  We got home, and crept in to the house.  Dad grabbed Caitlyn and gave her the long lost hug and kiss, you give someone, you think you’re never going to see again.  I disappeared in to my room.  Dad came in later to apologize again.  Which is really amazing, because you’d think he’d have forgotten about the yelling by then. 

Sol- a needle pulling thread
Note to self:  Never drive Dad anywhere by yourself again.   Especially after dark (Sundowners).

La – a note to follow so
Well, I have to get to bed early, I have a rehearsal tomorrow morning at 9:30 am for the Community Band concert on Sunday.  So good night sweet blog, good night. 

Ti – a drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do

Many thanks to composer Richard Rodgers and lyricist Oscar Hammerstein II for the use of their lyrics from the “Sound of Music”.

Cheer up, sleepy Jean, oh what can it mean

To a daydream believer and a homecoming queen?
Today, Dad being home and out of the hospital we were all back to our regular schedules.  Dad slept in of course.  I ran a few errands.  And asked Dad if he was up to going to the Senior Center.  He said no.  So, he stayed home all day. 

You once thought of me as a white knight on his steed
Later in the after noon I asked him if he’d like to go grocery shopping with me.  I thought it would be good exercise for someone who’d been in bed in the hospital for five days.  Dad could hang on to the shopping cart for support, and get a little walking exercise.  We picked up dinner (makings for Homemade Chicken Soup and some very special oatmeal, cherry, coconut cookies I picked up the recipe off another blog (echoword.wordpress.com) The recipe turned out great!). 

Now you know how happy I can be
Dad was really exhausted by the grocery trip.  He barely made it home.  I was really concerned and started looking for somewhere he could sit down and rest at the grocery store.  We made it home with all the groceries in due time.  Dad went to his room to lie down and rest for a while. 

Oh, and our good time starts and ends With a dollar one to spend
Dad didn’t emerge again until dinner was ready.  When he showed up for dinner, he seemed rested and ready to take on the world.  The homemade chicken soup for dinner was fabulous!  We all enjoyed it immensely.  We enjoyed the cookies as well.  Kudos to Kimberly @ echowood.wordpress.com Blog! 

But how much baby do we really need?
Our next family concern was our family member in Houston (DB) who happens to be in hurricane Ike’s path.  Dad listened to the news, connected the dots and was alarmed that our DB may be in danger’s path.  of course the rest of the family had already discussed concerns and what we could do to help.  Mostly we were impressed that Dad remembered what he did about our DB in spite of concerns with Alzheimer’s disease. 

Oh I could hide ‘neath the wings of the bluebird as she sings
We have noted on occasion that when it concerns something that Dad really cares about, he can remember bits and pieces of it.  During moments of clarity, he is able to pull it all together and make sense of it.  As I’ve mentioned before, family is really important to Dad. 

 

Many Thanks to the Monkeys for the use of their lyrics “Day dream Believer”

Lean on me, when you’re not strong,

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

And I’ll be your friend
Well, I told you that yesterday was a busy day and it turns out that I have more to write about. 

I’ll help you carry on
Dad and I went out yesterday together.  Initially I offered to take Dad to Bingo, but he said in his crabby self “I don’t like Bingo”.  Okay, okay, what do you like.  Well a movie. . . A movie??  I thought you hated the movies.  No, no, I like the movies sometimes.  Good, then we can go see “Dark Knight” (I’ve been wanting to see the new Heath Ledger movie).  What’s that movie?  That’s the new batman movie.  Oh, I don’t like batman movies.  Oh, so what do you want to see.  I don’t know, what’s playing?? And on and on that conversation went.  Finally, we decided on “Swing Vote”.  Actually I bamboozled dad into seeing this one.  The good news!  Dad loved the movie, he was able to keep up with it.  Aside from Dad asking me if I wanted some popcorn over 25 times (no kidding, I counted) we had a good time.  I thought it was a good movie as well.  Definitely 5 stars. 

For it won’t be long
After wards we stopped in one of those “photo booths” that takes your pictures.  And posed for a picture.  The machine gave us a color sketch, created by a software program; which we later hung in Dad’s room.

 [I hope to soon own a new computer, which will allow me more access to post pictures.  Perhaps later I can post the photo from the photo booth!]

‘Til I’m gonna need
Later, we got home we were greeted by a visiting dog, who is quite a lady. Her name is Molly and she is a chocolate Lab.  My sister’s pet sitting business takes in borders for owners who are on vacation.  The visiting pet lives in our home like one of our dogs.  It’s really a nice arrangement for the dogs, instead of staying at a kennel.

Somebody to lean on
The next morning Molly greeted me with a big tail wag.   Kaitlyn, the shitzu, my Dad’s dog was right behind her waiting for her hello hug.  My sister who shall remain anonymous sat down to add her creative nudges to a puzzle that Dad and I had started about a week ago.  (300 pieces) By the end of the day, an entire black Cat emerged from the puzzle- Thanks to my anonymous sister.   

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
Hanna, my sister’s  chocolate lab presented me with a toy that was all wet with slobber.  I picked it up and threw it across the room.  Hanna bounded after it.  When she retrieved it she ran around the room away from me.  Hanna hasn’t quite learned how to keep the game going yet.   Don’t worry, I’m working on it.   I also snatched my cats, Cleo’s toy away from Hanna (she likes to steal ‘em). 

We all need somebody to lean on
Dad emerged from his room and all the dogs turned to greet him.  “Well”, Dad said  Magnanimously”Hello there”, Dad grabbed Molly and gave her a rough hello pet and bending over and petting the other dogs (4 dogs in total) while he was at it.  Finally, he sat down for breakfast.  He was already pooped.   

I just might have a problem that you’d understand
One of our main concerns with Dad is if his little shitzu ever passes on (she’s already 12 and a 1/2).  Because that little dog gives my dad, so much joy.  Along with all the other Dog and Cats here.  But Kaitlyn is his favorite.  She sleeps with him, spends all her time exclusively with Dad.   If there ever was someone who was completely loyal to Dad and always there for him — it would be Kaitlyn, my Dad’s dog.  Kaitlyn is the one he’d lean on. 

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me
(Chorus)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (call me)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (if you ever need a friend)
Call me (call me)
Call me
Call me (if you need A friend)

Many Thanks to Bill Withers for the use of his lyrics.

I beg your pardon, I’ve never promised you a

Rose garden
Well, it’s been four (4) days since my sister and brother-in-law have returned from their short vacation.  I’ve pretty much coasted this week while I recover myself after being left with Dad alone. 

Along with the sunshine,
You can call me a woose if you like, and you’d be right. 

Theres gotta be a little rain sometimes.
In my heart I know what the right thing to do is.  But actually doing it, sometimes is a little more difficult.  Example:  Today, we all decided to do dinner at the VFW.  I decided to stay home and work on my exercises.  Dad did too )-:  After everyone left for dinner.  Dad followed me around the house asking me questions. . . Like, where’s your Mother?? (I explain where Mom is very patiently)  Then Dad says,  Why’d your mother have to die?? ( I explain that everyone dies sometimes, it was mom’s turn… again patiently.)  Then dad starts to cry and asks where Mom is buried.  Was I at the funeral??  (Again explanation.)  Who else was at the funeral??  What church was the mass at??  Who said the mass??  Did we all go to the grave?….  After a momentary pause Dad begins again.  Where’s your Mother??…….

When you take, you gotta give,
I look at Dad with the question in my mind… REALLY, you don’t remember this?  I say nothing, and turn around and focus on what I really want to do.  (exercise.)

So, Live and let live – Or let go.
Dad, not to be outdone by my quiet re-direction.  Begins firing questions off rapidly.  And I realize.  This is my Dad’s way of telling me, he wants one on one time. 

I bet your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden.
I ask Dad, what does he want to do.  Let’s go out to eat, he says… And I fire back, if you wanted to eat dinner, why didn’t you go out to eat with the others.  Dad says (and I’m not kidding).  But I want to go out to eat with you so we can talk. 

I could promise you things like big diamond rings,
Okay, let’s go!  Where are we going?  We’re going to the VFW to join the others.  Oh, good!!  And we jump in the car and speed off to the other side of the island to join the others at the VFW. 

But you don´t find roses growin´
Dad summons a cup of coffee when we arrive, and mellows out at the table listening to the music.  He doesn’t even join the conversation.  He just likes to hang-out with his family. 

on stalks of clover.
Alls Dad needs now is a long hair gray wig and a head band and he’d look like the happy hipp-stir he’s emulating. 

So you’d better think it over.
We walked a block to the beach after wards and stuck our feet in the water.  It was cold!  It felt good after a long day.

Well, if sweet-talkin´ you
Wishing you every good thing!

Could make it come true
Thanks to Lynn Anderson for the use of the Lyrics “I never promised you a rose garden”.

Like a rolling stone….

Once upon a time you dressed so fine
Whew!  it has been a challenging five (5) days since  DS and DBL left for vacation.  Dad has been a handful, but I did feel this morning that I was getting in the groove (things were starting to fall in place as they should) where Dad is concerned.    Dad had a doctor’s appointment today at the VA Hospital at 1pm.  DS called and woke me up this morning; I let Dad sleep in and got him up for Breakfast at 9:30 am.  Dad ate his breakfast and then he got ready for the trip to the doctor’s by taking a shower and putting on his clean cloths.  Fortunately, this is something that Dad is still able to do. 

You threw the bums a dime in your time, didn’t you?
I’m making a real effort to get back to the place where I understood how difficult it is to have lost your memories.   Dad and I have a conversation, and he is asking me where Mom has gone.   I don’t answer, because I’m hoping he’ll remember; soon, the answer to that question.  He doesn’t.  So I begin the difficult explanation that Mom isn’t with us any longer.  Dad gets angry and responds, why did your Mother have to die? 

People call, say, “Beware Doll you’er bound to fall”
My shoulders just dropped another inch, I don’t think I can have this discussion again.   So I try changing the subject.  And Dad asks me if I can see the tall skinny man standing over there.  I look around, no one is there, and I realize this is going to be “one of those days”.   Dad is struggling with reality again.  Then, ….finally then, I’m back to understanding how difficult a challenge dementia is to any one.  And I’m feeling more compassionate again; by this time we’re in the car driving to the doctor’s appointment.  I tap Dad on the leg and say.  I love you Dad.  I just want you to know that.  You the best Dad I ever had.  Dad laughs and starts to ask me where DS and DBL  have gone?  I tell him that they are on vacation – Their 20th Wedding Anniversary Vacation and that they’ll be back home very soon.  So, they’re on vacation-eh?  Where’d they go?  Well Dad they went to Tennessee.  Dad says, did they go to one a see; two a see; three a see??  I laugh and think; that must be a really old joke, because I don’t think I’ve ever heard it before.  We lighten up and finally arrive at the doctor’s office. 

You thought they were all kiddin’ you
Dad goes right in to see the doctor.  The nurse recognizes him and starts to flirt with him by tickling him around the waist.  Dad loves the attention.  And we talk to the doctor about Dad’s prostrate cancer.  So far, so good.  The doc says that Dad has a better chance of getting shot by a lover’s angry husband than dying of cancer.   The doctor,  tells Dad to come back in six (6) months.  And we were on our way back home. 

You used to laugh about
The rest of the day is pretty uneventful.

Everybody that was hangin’ out
It seems to me that we have a pattern here in Florida where everyday about 4pm, we have a thunderstorm.   Today was no different.  The storm was blowing in right on time, and Dad shouted from the living room, Hello, is anyone here?  I answer, and Dad joins me in my room.  I’m folding laundry. 

Now you don’t talk so loud, now, you don’t seem so proud
DS#2 , my sister from Washington State called every day this week after work to say hello to Dad – if she only knew how helpful those calls are where Dad is concerned.  It really helps keep Dad busy.

About scrounging around for your next meal
If  you ask me, I think the most difficult thing that Dad endures is loneliness.  I say this because Dad hates to be alone.  I don’t blame him for this, I hate to be alone too. 

How does it feel, How does it feel?
Dad has this thing he does when he wants attention.  He’ll start asking you questions as quick as the rata-tat-tat of a machine gun.  Which he loves to do when you’re watching a moving together. 

To be with out a home
Whey’s she looking that way.  What’s she doing now.  Oh great, now she’s going to bother that guy.  Who’s that guy?  Where did he come from ?  Well, why did he do that?  What’s going on?  And so on , and so on. 

With no direction home, like a complete unknown
If you try to answer Dad, good luck, because he keeps on asking the questions without ever stopping.  I think he’s trying to make a point. 

Like a rolling stone?
I see this pattern in Dad when he really wants me to focus all my attention on him.  I try to appease him when I can.  And spend some quality time with Dad.  Play cards, Watch the news together.  He’ll help me cook a meal.   Sometimes I’m good at this, and sometimes, okay lets say I’m a failure.  I just pray for patience and understanding.  And hope that one day, I’ll be a little bit better at this care-giving thing.  Practice makes perfect.

 

Many Thanks to the artist Bob Dylan for the Lyrics “Like a Rolling Stone”.

We’re on the MOVE to end Alzheimer’s

 

 

To learn more, please go to www.alz.org.

Thank you,

Family Gathers

I see dead people

Occasionally my dad goes off the reservation.  A term coined by DBL when dad is completely out of touch with reality.  It’s difficult predicting when the veil lifts between this world and the next, Dad will tell you he was just talking with his mother.  He remembers it clearly, he was in the living room of his Mother’s house.  Did I ever sell that house??  Dad, you sold that house over twenty years ago.  Dad will crumble into tears.  (We used to avoid this topic so Dad wouldn’t need to suffer the grief of losing his family all over again. – But until we told Dad this, he couldn’t move past the subject.)  You sold that house to Georgie,  remember?  And your brothers and sisters split the inheritance equality.  Oh, I did.  Good, I don’t need to worry about selling it now.   What about the house at 831? ?  Did I ever sell that house?  Yes, Dad you did.  in December ’05 when mom passed on.  Oh, that’s right, why did your mother have to die.  and on and on this circular conversation would go. 

After having this long drawn out conversation that you dreaded because of the possible explosive outcome– because it dredges up so many painful family events.  Dad will start the entire conversation over again in about two minutes.  Virtually word for word. 

One day this happened to Dad and I when I took him to the VA Hospital as a walk-in for Bronchitis.  For five (5) entire hours we had this conversation.  Over and over again.  When we were finally done and could return home.  I thought I was going to explode.  Like a bomb. 

I called my DS.  She asked how ever thing went.  I said, Okay but I’m going to need some down time when I get home.  DS laughed with that knowing laugh of having experience the same thing herself. 

No one has committed Kamikaze yet during this experience, the desperation of trying to avoid this conversation has put us over the edge once or twice.  DBL once put Dad on the phone with Dad’s younger brother DYB.  Hoping this would resolve Dad’s endless questions.  DS was like…. “You did what??”  Knowing DYB was new to this experience would not know how to handle it correctly, safely….  Surprisingly this did help.  Dad trusted DYB and accepted his answers.  Which is exactly what DBL postulated would be the outcome.  Good job DBL.  Do you see why it is best to handle Alzheimer with a larger number of caretakers??    It makes the job, a little easier to endure.