Fear is the problem.

Hello my peeps!  Good morning!  My cat Cleo sends greetings.  I woke up this morning 6:45 am, usually wake up at 7:30 with the alarm, and I went for a short walk around the block.  I’m a slow walker – it lasted about 12 minutes.  It’s Spring and it felt great to get up and get a tiny bit of exercise.  I hope I can do it again tomorrow.  Maybe even go for a longer walk.  I saw two elderly people walking this morning.  And by elderly I mean, complete white hair and walking much slower than I.  I do have an excuse for the slow walking.  I have two artificial hips, slows me down a bit.  

I went Glutin Free two months ago, just before Christmas.  Was a great decision.  I had no problem staying on the diet.  Of course any time I went off the diet I would get the runs.  Turns out I’m very sensitive to wheat.  Never knew it.  Had Lupus, an autoimmune disease most of my adult life.  And I’m going to have the doctors run some tests.  Because I thinking because of this new diet, Lupus SLE is gonzo.  And yes, Happy!  Celebrate good health with me, have a glass of water!!.  

I was reading an article the other day, about a black cat (Cleo is a black Cat) who runs every day with one of its neighbors.  It would be fun if Cleo would join me in my walks.  But I’m not sure if she would.  Every time I put a leash and harness on her.  She lays down and refuses to walk.  I think she’s trying to tell me something (I’m a cat stupid!).  I don’t want to risk losing her in my neighbor hood because there’s a lot of stray cats around and Cleo has no claws.  I don’t want to see her get hurt.  She fights plenty with them through the glass window as it is.  

Any way, back to me.  Big pat on the back for getting up and going for a walk! (Pat, pat)  Let do it again tomorrow!!  (Oh and secret dream.)  I’m planning on getting a bicycle soon and riding it to work every day.  I think that would be good exercise.  Well see.  Fingers crossed!

The God in me recognizes the God in you! (Namaste)

Sharon and Cleo

Dance the bamba

IN ORDER TO DANCE THE LA BAMBA
Recently after a little thought, prayer and confirmation from a good friend, I decided to start Blogging again. It’s really hard to get started, because I don’t feel like I have a compelling reason to blog right now. When I first blog it was to give my family who is all over the country a window into the last days of Our Dad before he passed. Now Dad has been gone since 2010. I’m unclear about what the central meaning of my blog should be. But I’m guessing it will become clearer to me once I get started.

A LITTLE BIT OF GRACE
Today, I’m going to honor my best friend Maria Alejandra, who passed on Christmas in 2012 from Colon Cancer, by sharing a little about her online. I’ve been feeling her presence a lot lately.  I miss her terribly and some days I’m absolutely furious with her for passing at such a young age (52).   I often wonder if Maria and I shared a past life together.  We were best friends from our first meeting.  We barely knew each other.  We both participated together in many musical church groups.  Maria had a beautiful voice, and I would play the guitar or play the organ or piano.  It was a lot of fun playing music together.  When I first heard that Maria had cancer, I lived in San Jose, California and Maria lived near Chicago, IL.  Making it impossible for me to be there for her.  It broke my heart that I couldn’t help her through this difficult time.   And worst off, when I would call to talk with Maria, she’d forbid any conversation about her illness.

AH HIGHER AND HIGHER
Why?  It still puzzles me to this day.  I remember Maria telling me once that “Cubans are very proud people. ”   And I wonder if it was Maria’s pride that would not allow her to suffer the compassion of another.  Who knows?  When Maria passed, she never said Goodbye while she was in her body.  Perhaps, she thought there would always be time for goodbyes, or maybe she didn’t realize, she would be powerless to say goodbye, near the end.  I kept my antennas up and listen for sounds of her passing in my Spirit.  While I kind of sensed the end was near, I was never really sure.  Until my DS called to let me know she had heard of Maria’s passing on Christmas Eve, the night before.

IN ORDER TO DANCE THE BAMBA
Maria passed last evening….I lamented, Oh Maria, Maria…. finally shedding the tears Maria had forbidden I shed while she was alive.  And all the while I cried, I felt her Spirit lift off of me.  Like a shroud she was draped over my head and shoulders.  As if saying in her way, saying Goodbye.  I felt her Spirit lift off of me and inside I smiled, because I knew it was her way of saying Goodbye.  And in a way I knew she was saying that she loved me still as I too loved her as a dear and good friend.

A LITTLE BIT OF GRACE IS NEEDED
I still feel her presence here and there.  She is not very vocal.  But she does seem to roll her eyes alot when I do something stupid.  Yes, it is nice to have an audience (when I do something stupid, LOL!).  I could go on about all the times I’ve felt her presence or perhaps a lesson my Angel Maria was teaching me.  But somehow, the timing doesn’t feel right.  So, perhaps another time.

A LITTLE GRACE
I will share this one story with you about Maria.  She one time taught me the words to La Bamba and it’s meaning.  She said that the true meaning was lost in the English translation.  And that it was a song about heaven.  That you have to keep climbing higher and higher to get to heaven.  We sang that song together and Feliz Navidad as well during the Holidays.

AND ANOTHER LITTLE THING
In a few days I will post a Picture of Maria for you to see.  You’ll see that she was just an ordinarily person like you or I, but if you knew her in person, you would see that she had a lot of fire in her Spirit that brought a lot of Joy and Love to many peoples lives.  I bless her Spirit, please join me in Blessing her Spirit as well.  And Blessing those left behind, her son Paul Christian and her Mother Norma.   And so you can also see the song “La Bamba” is for Maria as well.  Because she loved to sing it.

ay arriba y arriba,
Sharon

The remaining unused lyrics for your perusal…   y arriba y arriba and higher and higheray arriba y arriba ah higher and higherarriba iré arriba iré higher I will go, higher I will goarriba me iré higher I will take myselfbaila bamba dance the bambapara bailar la bamba in order to dance the bamba una poca de gracia a little bit of grace ay arriba y arriba ah higher and higher yo no soy marinero I am not a sailor yo no soy marinero I am not a sailor por ti seré, por ti seré for you I’ll be, for you I’ll be para bailar la bamba in order to dance the bamba se necesita una poca de gracia a little bit of grace is needed ay arriba y arriba ah higher and higher

Sources: http://www.musicalspanish.com/labambalyrics.htm

Morning has broken

Like the First Morning
Every five, ten years or so, I go into an intense growth period.  I saw signals that one was about to begin.  And the growth metaphor goes like this:  like a snake loosing it’s old skin and growing a new one.  It can be a terrifying experience or a peaceful one depending on how you accept what is happening.  It all began with me listening to Hay House Radio around the clock.  I was like a sponge absorbing the teachings.  Then I experienced the loss of my car because of a car accident.  In previous growth periods, this kind of loss would trigger an intense anxiety attack.   This time, knowing it was spirit beginning an important new lesson, I did not blame myself, rush to judgement, but instead waited on God (in my heart) to show me the next step.

Blackbird has spoken
After the accident, I thank the other driver for driving defensively and sparing my life.  He did not become angry for me, but was peaceful.  We both waited two hours for the police.  A good friend came and waited with me while we waited for the police.  I only had liability insurance for my car.  Good friends and family came to the rescue to help me repair the car to make it drivable again.  I learn patience and acceptance of my situation.

Like the first bird
I’m not claiming to have all the answers.  I want to embrace healing and growth and move forward with my spiritual lessons.  Perhaps if I document this here, it will help others having the same experience.

Praise for the singing, praise for the morning Praise for the 
springing fresh from the word

Thanks to Cat Stevens and to Eleanor Farjeon for the use of 
the lyrics.  

Waiting On The World To Change

Me and all my friends
I feel compelled to comment on the events I see happening today.  With the ousting of Moammar Gaddafi coming to a head.  The Libya rebels have raided Gaddhafi’s compound today, and Moammar is on the run.  Some say he has already left Libya, some say he is still fighting for what he believes is his.

We’re all misunderstood
Dictator, after dictator have been made to answer from their criminal actions by their people. Now we see this happening in Libya, with Moamar Gaddafi. Of course the most shocking detail uncovered today by the rebels who raided his compound today, is the picture album of Gaddafi’s African Queen, Condoleezza Rice. Apparently Moamar had a thing for Condoleezza.   As reported in CBS’s Political Hot Sheet. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20097196-503544.html.  I originally heard about this while I was at work listening to National Public Radio (NPR)’s Diane Rehns Show. This radio show is really picking up traction lately on the news.  The strange thing  about the articlethat while I was searching on the internet for more details on this new juicy tidbit about Condeleesa and Kaddafi, all the articles had been either deleted or removed.  Strange indeed.  But finally I found this article on “CBS’s Political Hot Sheet“.  http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-503544_162-20097196-503544.html  Take a look; read, absorb, learn.

They say we stand for nothing and there’s no way we ever could
We’re living at an amazing time in history.  One by one, Dictators are being ousted by the very people that they have oppressed.

Now we see everything that’s going wrong
It’s a wonderful thing to witness.  From the United States we can only watch in wonderment as many around the world oust  their dictator(s).  Indeed, I’m approaching my mid-50’s and I never thought I’d live to see this day.  In a way, I find this change good.  I think everyone in the world deserves to enjoy freedom, …live a good life, filled with positive choices.

We just feel like we don’t have the means
In this year (2011) alone, we have seen the following dictators lose power over their country.  (Author’s note:  I feel sure that I’m leaving someone out of this line up.  My apologies, if this is true.):

• Egypt’s President Hosni Mubarak resigned on 2/11/11 via his Vice President, “Mubarak was ousted after 18 days of demonstrations during the 2011 Egyptian revolution^[3] when, on 11 February, Vice President Omar Suleiman announced that Mubarak had resigned as president and transferred authority to the Supreme Council of the Armed Forces.^{[4][5]” (from Wikipedia, https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Hosni_Mubarak)}.

• Alidine Ben Ali of Tunisian fled to Arabia with his family in January 15, 2011.  Ben Ali, who has ruled Tunisia since coming to power in a bloodless coup in 1987, fled amid violent demonstrations and protesters who rejected his last-minute raft of concessions.  Tunisia is Northern Africa, sandwiched between Libya and Algeria, right on the Mediterranean Sea, directly south of Italy, across the Strait of Sicily if you can imagine.
• And of course, Moammar Gaddafi.

With the world and those who lead it
I have a friend from Naples, Italy (My former step sister-in-law “Anna”) who I had the occasion to inquire, when there are wars across the sea, can you hear them over in Italy?  She verified that yes, you could hear explosions from the wars.  Sometimes I’m so amazed that what I consider Europe and Africa are so close, and yet enjoy such different experiences.  Why is that??

To rise above and beat it
Anyways, I just wanted to point out that wonderful things are happening in our very midst.  Things many of us never thought we would live to see happen.

So we keep waiting
Another thing I’ve recently discovered that I really enjoy is the Hay House Radio Station on the internet.  http://www.hayhouseradio.com/index.php
It’s been an incredible experience to listen to this radio station.  Recently created by Louis Hays.  This radio station has continuous speakers that represent the Hay House Authors.  And is WONDERFUL!  I feel like a sponge, I just am learning so much from the many authors who have shows on this station.  In a way, it’s helping me to grow spiritually.  I’m finding my path and continuing on my journey on this planet.  One sign, of this growth is that I’m able to blog again.  I stopped blogging after my Dad died in June, 2010.

Waiting on the world to change
The time is right to start the blogging process again.  I don’t know why I need to do this, I just know that I need to do this. And as I’ve hear a favorite famous celebrity of mine said before…”It’s a good thing” (Thank You Martha (Stewart)).

We keep on waiting
One more note.  You know, I feel guilty, being from the United States, after learning (as a result of the Wiki leaks) that my government was responsible for keeping many of these dictators in power (in order to balance world power).  Even though I was a child while this happened.  If I had known, I’m sure, I would have opposed this way of thinking by my government, if only in my heart.  As I’m sure many, of my age would do.  We were children during the 60s and many of us are a reflection of the 60’s revolution in the U.S. Which is why the U.S. now, only watches from a distance, as these dictators (while feeling betrayed, by the U.S.) run for their lives.  The mind of the United States has changed, perhaps even grown, to a higher way of thinking.

Waiting on the world to change
And this is why I still support President Barack Obama. President Obama, didn’t hesitate when these dictators were looking for support, while the demonstration started.  He simply announced that we would support democracy.  “About democracy, Obama stated that, though “America does not presume to know what is best for everyone”, “I do have an unyielding belief that all people yearn for certain things: the ability to speak your mind and have a say in how you are governed; confidence in the rule of law and the equal administration of justice; government that is transparent and doesn’t steal from the people; the freedom to live as you choose.” He called such freedoms “human rights””(From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/A_New_Beginning).

Many Thanks to John Mayer’s for his Lyrics on “Waiting for the world to change”.

Whimsy and sadness….

Well gang, I don’t know what to say.  Today I’m feeling very menopausal.  I have found myself tearing up over the most mundane things.  On the phone with a customer whom I’ve just met.  Hearing a friend talk about the passing of her father.  Someone passed me Chocolate during a break at work and it did me wonders! 

What I’m most frantic about is my son who is in the Juvenal Probation System in San José.  It breaks my heart, so far away from him.  And to know he is so very alone. 

I’m sorry this is not a more joyful blog today.  I’ve prayed all day for some help from above.  Trying to sing my mantras hoping it will pull me in a more positive direction. 

The worst part is how much I feel sorry for myself.  And this has all started with me breaking my arm.  I’m such a big baby. 

Well, this has got to stop somewhere.  I think here is best!

See you tomorrow!

xxoo

The 2010 Grammy Awards

Well first of all I must report that I didn’t watch all the Grammys this year.  I saw Beyoncé, Tailor Swift, Pink and Black Eyed Peas.  And then I changed the channel.  Why?  I really didn’t relate to the musicians in the Grammy’s this year.  Usually I can sense where there is really talent.  However, I couldn’t fathom why Pink needed to sing to us hanging upside down in her trapezoid device, and what it had to do with music.  I’m getting old.  Because I just don’t get it. 

However that argument doesn’t work for me because truly great music is timeless as the ocean.  And is always relevant.  So I reject the premise that I am getting old. 

Tailor Swift, I believe is a great talent – and gusty for following her music where it has taken her.  However I was taken back by her pitchy singing with Fleetwood Mac.  Boy was that a surprize.  I guess our little Tailor is only human after all.  She does look like an angel, most of the time. 

So I think we’re going to have to throw Pink! out of the talented arena, along with Riana, the latest in bubble gum music.  Lady Gaga, from what I can tell – the jury is still out.  Especially after seeing her sing with Elton John.  However I take a dim view of her Rock ledge style costumes and shoes.  That really seems old hat to me.  But I’m open to give Lady Gaga a chance.  I hear there is an old Oprah show that helps us understand Lady Gaga – and I’d like to see it. 

That being said lets not forget our salute to Queen Beyoncé!  She favored us with her talented self again.  And it was a great performance!

Many Thanks for the use of the photos from the 2010 Grammy Awards.

True Blood Sucks – Rewrite, Series 2 episode 9

Okay, I must admit that I am horribly addicted to “True Blood”.  I eagerly anticipate this weekly HBO show on Sunday evenings.  And then every night afterwards I re-watch the episode on HBO Demands until the next episode is released the following week. 

Why rewrite.  Because my last blog about True Blood was not my real feelings.  Currently in True Blood we’re watching the classic struggle between Good and Evil.  And surprisingly, Good is winning.  The Top Vampire, Godric is demonstrating true Christ-like behavior.  Apparently because he has lived over 2000 years and is tired of the muckety-muck life of an ordinary vampire.  Godric even offers to sacrifice his life to the Sun.  I’m shaking my head because this is not a classic vampire series anylonger. 

Godric asks Sookie, Do you believe in God?  Sookie replies yes!  Godric continues, How will God punish me?  Sookie explains God doesn’t punish, God forgives.  Godric accepts this wisdom.  Godric simply faces the Sun and turns to flames and vanishes.  (Do you understand my concern?)

I believe myself to be a committed Christian.  I really celebrate this new twist in this Vampire tale.  But I am confused by this change.  Yes, good does always triumphs, but ever so quietly, gently.  Anyway, can you understand my confusion.  Of Course, True Blood has reserved the Truly Evil person for the final three episodes.  Mary Ann Forester and the town of Bon Ton.  It should be interesting!!  Don’t cha’ think?

True Blood Sucks

Hey Gang,

Long time, no see.  I’ve been really busy with Dad and have very little time to blog these days.  I thought I’d sneak in a quick one. 

I’m a little concerned about the True Blood S2, Episode 9.  This is a show like I might have written.  Not really as good as first season’s show.  They should have stuck with Charlene Harris’ version.  I’ve never read her books, but I do intend to read them now.  This season’s show is missing some of the darker overtones. 

Of course there is always demi god Mary Anne Forester.  She is one scary chick.  I don’t know where they are going with this scarry lady.  I am a little surprised to learn that she is scarrier than the vampires. 

I did enjoy the soft port with Eric and Sookie.  But I hope it doesn’t go anywhere.  I like Bill and Sookie together.  And besides what would happen to Sookies character if she started sleeping around with all the vampires.  Sookie would have to make a major left turn to turn into a vamp. 

I am really curious to see what Mary Ann Forester wants with Terra and Eggs.  It should be interesting. 

Well that’s all folks.  Till next time.

I think I love you…

 

Ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
Well my Dad with Alzheimer’s Disorder (DA) has turned a new page.  He must of had a large number of neurons die-off in his brain at the same time.  Suddenly Dad has absolutely no short-term memory, has a continuous need to return to his life in Chicago (we live in Florida)  Of course Dad believes Chicago is just a 40 mile trip from our present home, instead of the 1300 mile trip reality demands.   So now we find ourselves up at all hours of the night  trying to stop Dad from running away.  We find ourselves making up stories to help Dad accept his new surroundings.  Dad, “I have to get to Chicago, I’m starting a new job tomorrow.  Me: “Dad, your job called and said they had a terribly fierce snow storm and that their offices will be closed for at least a week while they remove the snow. ”

I’m sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
Being up at all hours of the night with Dad, it’s not bad.  I’ve just reverted back to my attitude when I had a newborn baby to feed every two hours.  I learned if I didn’t make it a big deal about losing sleep, it was a lot easier to live with – and it was. 

Like all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knockin’ at my brain.
Dad has packed every piece of luggage he owns.  Dad says he had to go home to take care of his mother.  Which takes up down the road of reminding him that his Mother and Father are gone.  Dad cries for a while as he grieves anew.  DBL collects the packed bags and places them in the attic until this crisis is over.  We shake our heads and say there has got to be an easier way.  

Before I go insane I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
Eventually I started making up all kinds of wild stories to keep dad in a happy frame of mind.  He’d notice a hub cap missing from the car.  I’d say I lost it while riding in a demolistion derby in town.  Dad would rave that I would do something so immature.  I’d smile and he’d realises I’m just kidding. 

“I think I love you!”
Last night I sat next to Dad’s bed and just like a meditation tape I begin to prepare Dad for meditation.   I take Dad down an imagine road to help him relax and slip deeply into sleep.  We try deep breathing exercises.  He fights me by reminding me that he has to go to Chicago in the morning.  And I continue, one by one addressing his fears and removing the fears (this type of meditation uses a great deal of imagination).   And after an hour or so, we end up at a place where we’re floating in the clouds surrounded by guardian angels.  I invite his entire family to join us in Spirit and they do.  Dad finds this the most comforting.  Dad asks me the names of his angels.  I draw on my bibilical knowledge of Angel names.  And we’re floating with the angels who will stand over us all night until morning arrives.  Dad starts snoring.  I wait a little while longer and then creep back to my bedroom and bed.  Where I fall into a deep sleep.  Until 2 am of course when Dad wakes me up, with all his belongings in his arms (since all his luggage has dissapeared).  You might think my meditation was a failure, but I tell you, it was much easier to get Dad back to bed (just a few minutes) so I could returned to my bed of dreams. 

 This morning
I woke up with this feeling
I didn’t know how to deal with
I plan on continuing the meditations to see if I can help Dad allay his fears and relax.  Wishing you all a sweet night sleep. 

 And so I just decided to myself
I’d hide it to myself and never talk about it
And didn’t I go and shout it
When you walked into the room
“I think I love You.”

 

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

I don’t know what I’m up against.
I don’t know what it’s all about.
I got so much to think about.

Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I’m afraid that I’m not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn’t that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
I’ve never felt this way.

Believe me,
You really don’t have to worry.
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
“Hey, go away,” I will, but I think better still
I’d better stay around and love you.
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?

I think I love you.  Many Thanks to David Cassidy for the use of his lyrics.

Bloom where you’re planted.