Praying for a brilliant mind, strong ethics, & a strong advocate for our constitution.

Flock of 24 Ibis’ wandering down the neighborhood. 

Dad and I went to church today.  It was a little more interesting than the usual Sunday Mass.  Our regular Pastor is recovering from a bad accident and our Junior Pastor is a young priest from Ireland.  He is quite interesting to hear.  He was telling us about the visit from his family and what a good exchange rate they’re getting here.   Pastor Karl (junior pastor) said his sister purchase one suitcase of make-up and one suitcase of clothing.  Our exchange rate gets them about a 1/3 discount over what they’d get on their island.  Interesting.  I guess we should be happy they’re buying something, because I know most Americans are not buying anything.  Still it’s a situation we’ve not been in, in a long time.  I wonder if America is going to survive this whole economic disaster we’re experiencing.  From the looks of the news today, the economic woes seem to be reverberating around the world.  As we hear about a key German bank bail-out too. 

Part of me wants to believe we’re going to make it through this, just like we always have, and part of me wonders what life will be like if we don’t make it through this whole economic situation.

Which makes voting in the election all the more important.  I don’t care for McCain.  I just don’t trust another Republican in the white house.  I originally voted for Hillary.  And I’m heart-sick she lost the Democratic nomination.  Obama is really too green to be able to handle many of the issues in the white house currently.  Besides, I’ve noticed that when ever Obama gets under the gun about making an important decision, he seems to freeze.  I remember reading that he didn’t vote in a number of senate meetings on key issues.  You just don’t want some one in the white house who’s going to freeze under pressure. 

I guess I’m just going to have to hold out for a last minute write-in candidate for president.   I just pray that who ever it is will be someone with a brilliant mind and strong ethics, and a strong advocate for our constitution.  That’s what I’d like to see.

Lean on me, when you’re not strong,

Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there’s always tomorrow

And I’ll be your friend
Well, I told you that yesterday was a busy day and it turns out that I have more to write about. 

I’ll help you carry on
Dad and I went out yesterday together.  Initially I offered to take Dad to Bingo, but he said in his crabby self “I don’t like Bingo”.  Okay, okay, what do you like.  Well a movie. . . A movie??  I thought you hated the movies.  No, no, I like the movies sometimes.  Good, then we can go see “Dark Knight” (I’ve been wanting to see the new Heath Ledger movie).  What’s that movie?  That’s the new batman movie.  Oh, I don’t like batman movies.  Oh, so what do you want to see.  I don’t know, what’s playing?? And on and on that conversation went.  Finally, we decided on “Swing Vote”.  Actually I bamboozled dad into seeing this one.  The good news!  Dad loved the movie, he was able to keep up with it.  Aside from Dad asking me if I wanted some popcorn over 25 times (no kidding, I counted) we had a good time.  I thought it was a good movie as well.  Definitely 5 stars. 

For it won’t be long
After wards we stopped in one of those “photo booths” that takes your pictures.  And posed for a picture.  The machine gave us a color sketch, created by a software program; which we later hung in Dad’s room.

 [I hope to soon own a new computer, which will allow me more access to post pictures.  Perhaps later I can post the photo from the photo booth!]

‘Til I’m gonna need
Later, we got home we were greeted by a visiting dog, who is quite a lady. Her name is Molly and she is a chocolate Lab.  My sister’s pet sitting business takes in borders for owners who are on vacation.  The visiting pet lives in our home like one of our dogs.  It’s really a nice arrangement for the dogs, instead of staying at a kennel.

Somebody to lean on
The next morning Molly greeted me with a big tail wag.   Kaitlyn, the shitzu, my Dad’s dog was right behind her waiting for her hello hug.  My sister who shall remain anonymous sat down to add her creative nudges to a puzzle that Dad and I had started about a week ago.  (300 pieces) By the end of the day, an entire black Cat emerged from the puzzle- Thanks to my anonymous sister.   

You just call on me brother, when you need a hand
Hanna, my sister’s  chocolate lab presented me with a toy that was all wet with slobber.  I picked it up and threw it across the room.  Hanna bounded after it.  When she retrieved it she ran around the room away from me.  Hanna hasn’t quite learned how to keep the game going yet.   Don’t worry, I’m working on it.   I also snatched my cats, Cleo’s toy away from Hanna (she likes to steal ’em). 

We all need somebody to lean on
Dad emerged from his room and all the dogs turned to greet him.  “Well”, Dad said  Magnanimously”Hello there”, Dad grabbed Molly and gave her a rough hello pet and bending over and petting the other dogs (4 dogs in total) while he was at it.  Finally, he sat down for breakfast.  He was already pooped.   

I just might have a problem that you’d understand
One of our main concerns with Dad is if his little shitzu ever passes on (she’s already 12 and a 1/2).  Because that little dog gives my dad, so much joy.  Along with all the other Dog and Cats here.  But Kaitlyn is his favorite.  She sleeps with him, spends all her time exclusively with Dad.   If there ever was someone who was completely loyal to Dad and always there for him — it would be Kaitlyn, my Dad’s dog.  Kaitlyn is the one he’d lean on. 

If there is a load you have to bear
That you can’t carry
I’m right up the road
I’ll share your load
If you just call me
(Chorus)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (call me)
Call me (if you need a friend)
Call me (if you ever need a friend)
Call me (call me)
Call me
Call me (if you need A friend)

Many Thanks to Bill Withers for the use of his lyrics.

Healing yourself by blogging

Talked to my friend Sherry (names changed to protect privacy) today.  Haven’t spoken to her in a long while.  It always helps to speak to a friend you can trust about a subject you’re unsure about.  I asked Sherry about my blog.  Was it okay?  Sherry told me about another place where one can blog to heal themselves.  It’s called Caring Bridge http://www.caringbridge.org/.  Many of the contributors are from families who have a member suffering from Cancer.   The families find that by blogging, it helps them release the pain of watching a family member struggle with cancer; it also helps them connect with other families who are going through similar trials. 

I remember early 2008, l would speak to Sherry weekly and Sherry is a very open, helpful, spiritual person.    And she would share with me how one of her co-workers son was doing.  His son was very young (6 years old I believe) and was diagnosed with a type of cancer of the blood.   The family went through hell watching their beautiful young child succumb to cancer.  Through out the entire time the family blogged about the experience.  In a way it really helped them heal themselves.  It also helped them connect to other families suffering similar situations.  Lastly, the blog became a legacy for the family to go back and reflect on the experience while reflecting on the lost family member.

It turned out that the Blogging was a wonderful tool to help the family reach out to the community.  If you have ever lost a family member to cancer, you know it can be very isolating. 

Wishing you all a healthy blogging experience.

Cats in the cradle and the silver spoon…

Dinner tonight was Kabobs at the VFW.  We had a lovely time.  A local fisher man caught a Cobia (large saltwater fish) and donated it to the VFW.  So we had for dinner fish and steak Kabobs at the VFW.  Very good! 

I try not to eat pork or beef, so I gave my steak kabob to one of the guys to eat.  I was trying to be a vegan for a while.  But I fell off the wagon – with all  the stress my son was putting me through.  When the time is right I’ll give the Vegan thing another shot. 

We pumped up the Juke box with our favorite songs; like “Sweet Home Alabama” (Lynrd Skynrd), “My kind of Town” (Sinatra), “Does anyone Know what time it is?” (Chicago), “Crazy” by Patsy Kline, “Miss you” (Rolling Stones), Fly me to the Moon (Sinatra) and many more of our favorite tunes.   This lasted at least an hour or so.  We sat around and chatted for a long while.  Dad enjoyed the camaraderie. 

After wards, some of us went off to another drinking establishment.  Dad, myself and DS headed home, with a pit stop at Dairy Queen.    Dad asked several times if we had gotten Mom a treat to bring home with us.  Yes, Dad.  Good – What did you get Mom?  A hot fudge sunday.  Oh, Good, good; Mom will like that.  DS looked at me nervously.  Again, Dad asked and I responded in the same matter.  Hoping this wouldn’t backfire on us in the end.  We arrive home.  And Dad was off to his room and was asleep in no time. 

Fortunately the conversation about Mom came to an end and we didn’t need to address the fact that Mom had already passed on to a better place.   Big sigh of relief!

The next day I heard the Harry Chapin Song today “Cats in the Cradle”.  I can remember hearing this song when I was just a little girl riding in the backseat of my parent’s car.  And at that time I wondered what it was all about.  In my innocence I asked my daddy to explain the song to me.  My dad said it was about growing up and doing the same thing that your parents did when you were older.  I remember feeling sorry for the Father in Harry Chapin’s song.  

Now looking back, and having lost the innocence of my youth.  I think on how prosperity in this country has changed the people of this country.   And how we can be challenged as families to recognize how we can help each other when it counts most.  

The irony of the song and life itself.   We’ve drifted so far apart and our lives have become so separate from our core families and beliefs.  I count myself in this crowd.  When my DS was shouting for help.  It was hard for me to see the forest for the trees.  It was only after a series of unfortunate events that I saw a path open up allowing me to move closer to my family.

My point being, if I knew what I know now I would have moved even more quickly than I did.  I see a lot of positives with my move here to Florida.  I think it has been good for my Dad and DS and DBL agree it has be helpful to them.    Most importantly I’m enjoying being here.

(Verse 3)
Well he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say
Son I’m proud of you, can ya sit for a while?
He shook his head, and he said with a smile
What Id really like Dad, is to borrow the car keys .
See ya later, can I have them please?

(Chorus)
And the cats in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little Boy Blue and The Man In The Moon.
When ya comin home son?
I don’t know when, well get together then, Dad,
ya know well have a good time then.  

 

 

 

 

 (Verse 4)
Well Ive long since retired, my sons moved away,
I called him up just the other day.
I said Id like to see you, if you don’t mind.
He said I’d  Love to, Dad, if I could find the time
You see, my new job’s a hassle, and the kid’s got the flu,
But it’s sure nice talking to you, Dad.
It’s been sure nice talking to You.”
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to Me,
He’d grown up just like me,
My boy was just like me. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Blue Cup System

DBL and DS have this system called the Blue Cup System that concerns the coffee distribution in the house. 

As you know Dad suffers from Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD).  And his memory is not so good. 

In the beginning, Dad, whose veins run with coffee (As DS likes to say), Dad would leave his coffee cups all over the house.  And if you were drinking coffee at this time, Dad would steal your coffee (unknowingly) and drink from your cup.  And so, in order to keep the household from a state of barbarianism, DS and DBL devised the “Blue Cup System”.  Dad was given six Blue Coffee Cups.  Only Dad would drink from the Blue Cup.  They would all be filled-up in the morning at breakfast.  Dad, whenever he wanted a fresh cup of coffee, would go pick-up a blue coffee cup and nuke it.  This new system accomplished a few important goals.

• We always knew which coffee cups were Dads,
• Dad could always find his coffee,
• Dad could “Help Himself” to coffee through-out the day with no direction, and
• No one had to worry about Dad stealing their coffee in the morning.

It’s important to understand the place that coffee takes in Dad’s mind.  Coffee is his favorite thing.  When we go into a restaurant and order coffee, that waitress had better keep his coffee cup filled OR no tip for her.  Dad was a serious coffee drinker. The only thing Dad enjoys more in the world than coffee is his red wine Merlot.  Dad enjoys a little with dinner at times.  We have to keep an eye on him though; the wine seems to hit Dad like a ton of bricks.  The other day we went out to the VFW to enjoy their steak dinner.  Dad stuck with his coffee throughout the meal. 

Remember how Dad likes to Dance?  Dad made a trip to the little boys room and on his way back started dancing with a young twenty something lady.  And he danced the night away.  We didn’t become alarmed until we saw Dad leaving the bar with the lady.  Then my DS ran after Dad and Stopped him from leaving with the girl.  Dad was the happiest we’ve ever seen him.  One of our DF said, geeze, I can’t even do that at my age and your Dad is what ? -75 years young.  DF is very sweet and patient with Dad.  DF recently lost his mother to Alzheimer.  And so he understand the disease.   

 

[The picture above and to the right is one from “American Squares” Web Site.  Many Thanks for the use of the picture. ]

If you read the blog and like it, please leave a comment.

What I mean to say is this.  I live for those comments!  They are gifts from heaven!

-Family Gathers

Why write a blog about our Family?

Well, like every family, there are concerns about me exposing all the skeletons in the closet.  Another part of my belief system that conflicts with my families ideology.  I believe every thing stuck in the dark should be dragged out and left in the full sun, so it can be healed.    And lets just begin by saying that in my family EVERY ONE is very sensitive.  And I’m the one in the family who is the clodhopper who unmeaningly stomps on everyone’s feelings.  Open Mouth, Insert Foot.  So if you’re a family member who feels stomped on, please accept my sincere apologies.

Here’s why I do this….

Quoted from janeybird.wordpress.com
“I want to change perceptions and perspectives in society so we don’t run and hide from these things, but really try to do what is right and best for ourselves as we thrive on this planet.  The thing is, it’s terrifying to see. We can all be in this boat in an instant, or gradually in our older age. All of us. “

I had a really difficult time putting my thoughts into words that’s why I thought our families’ blog was important.  Then I saw another blog, that put my intention most eloquently.  Thanks Janeybird!  You’re the best!  I love your blog!

How could we keep this event to our selves?  Our country is on the verge of an epidemic with Alzheimer Disorder (AD).  If we’ve found something that works for all of us, we should share it.   In essense it comes down to the golden rule.  Treat others the way you’d like to be treated.   Is it difficult to do?  Yes, damn right it is.  But also so worth it.   Not just because of the fun factor, but because its the right thing to do. 

How we blow off steam
So many times DS, DBL and I review an action that dad consistently does, and when we discuss it, I have to shout – Stop it, I’m going to pee my pants! (Cause we’re laughing so hard.  Just to assure you, Dad is not home at the time.  And cannot overhear this conversation.)

Alright I’ll share one funny incident with you.  Dad has a Shitzu named Kaitlyn.  Actually it was mom’s dog, and Dad inherited it after Mom passed on.  Dad and Kaitlyn are inseparable.  In the evening when Dad gets home from the Senior Center, he spends time with Kaitlyn, brushing her, greeting her, taking her for a walk.  Dad asks every day if she was fed.  (Eric always feeds the dogs).  Kaitlyn should weigh about 10 pounds.  But because Dad is always feeding Kaitlyn scraps – she weighs 30 pounds.  A regular roly-poly.  As I mentioned, Dad takes Kaitlyn for a walk every evening.  Then a few minutes after they get back, Dad says to Kaitlyn, OKay Kaitlyn are you ready for a walk??  Let’s go for a walk.  Kaitlyn, thoroughly confused, looks at Dad like he’s crazy?  But Dad ushers her out the door anyway and off they go.  This activity will repeat itself over and over again until we stop Dad and say… Dad, you already took Kaitlyn for a walk.  Dad will say, OH, I did?  Okay.  Then Kaitlyn wanders over to her bed and plops down (with great relief).

Anyway back to the primary topic.  I write this blog in hopes that other people will benefit from it as they work with their own families with Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD).  When Alzheime’rs presents itself, a family is presented with many, many choices.  Our family is an example of one choice/path.  While another family chooses another path.  I hope you benefit from our families example of how we chose to work with Dad and his Alzheimer.  I hope our example is worthy of your attention.  And wil lead you to good places.  We have benefitted from the help of many different Alzheimer’s support groups, caretaker support groups, the help of many doctors, nurses, pharmacists, etc. with how to manage Dad and his illness.  I myself am grateful to my DSand her DBL and their excellent leadership qualities. 

Wishing you your highest good.

Gangsta Dad

Pardon me, but did we leave the dogs in Chicago??
Dad is having a rough day.  It’s clear because he is so disoriented.  “Can I speak with you for a moment?”  Sure Dad, What is it??  “Well, do you know if we left the dogs in Chicago??  I don’t know where the dogs are and I’m worried that we left them in Chicago.”  Dad, the dogs are here.  We brought the dogs with us to Florida.  “No, No, that can’t be true.  I can’t find the dogs.”  Dad, Kaitlyn (the shitzu) is right there (at his feet).  “Kaitlyn, where’s Kaitlyn?  I can’t find Kaitlyn.”  Dad, she’s right here.  “Oh, I was worried about Kaitlyn.”  “Well, then where are all my clothes?  Did we leave my clothes in Chicago??”  No, let me show you where your clothes are.  We take a trip into his room and I open his closet.  See Dad, all your clothes are in here…. 

This conversation goes on for most of the night.  The only change is who Dad is talking with at the time.  First it was me, then DBL, and later DS.  And all the while, every response to Dad is as though this is normal.  Answering the same questions over and over again is normal.  We try to carry-on in this way.  No one cracks a smile, or rolls their eyes.  These conversations have become the norm for us.  If we didn’t respond in this way, Dad would pick it up instantaneously.  So in an effort to treat Dad with dignity, we carry on with normal. 

The Senior Center
Dad starts the day by going to the Senior Center.  A special place that specializes in Alzheimer Disorder patients.  All the patients come for the day only.  No overnights.  Many of the patients have already lost their skill to speak.  Dad is one of the more lively ones. 

Alter-ego Ricardo
When  Dad enters the Senior Center he introduces himself as his alter-ego “Ricardo”.   Dad rolls out the alter-ego when he’s in a mood to break the rules.  In high school he used to hang out with a gang of Mexicans.  He wanted so bad to fit in, he died his hair black and called himself “Ricardo”.  At least that’s what I’ve conjectured from all the tales I’ve been told.  Hard to believe.  My father at heart is a gangstar.  They say there is a really fine line between a good person’s path and the evil’s person’s path.  I guess my dad decided that if he can’t have his memory he’s going down the devil’s path. 

Senior Care
The caretakers are really great at the Senior Center.  They have a daily schedule that includes playing games, singing songs, arts & crafts, and so on.  Dad’s room is filled with all kinds of Arts and Crafts.  He’s very proud of his work.  And will call attention to it often fishing for compliments. 

The Senior Center gets out about 3:30 pm and from there Dad takes the bus home.  Dad has been almost thrown off the bus a couple of times because he wasn’t behaving himself.  One of the ladies in the center always says “Shut-Up” to everyone who speaks to her.  Dad asked her why she had to be so mean all the time.  Soon after the two of them were in a scuttle that no one on the bus could remember (Imagine, a bus of AD people).  No one knew who started it or who’s fault it was.  They disciplined dad by making him sit by the bus driver from then on.  They knew there had to be some sort of scuttle because both Dad and this lady had marks on their face. 

More School Boy Antics
Recently, on the airplane from Florida to Texas (During my move), Dad got in hot water again, because he was fighting with another passenger over the arm rest.  The stewardess made DBL and Dad sit next to each other for the rest of the trip.  DBL said he could have the arm rest, no problem. 

Every time we try to discuss the off color behavior with dad, he refuses to talk about it and walks away.  Obviously his ego is bruised.  What an irony, when you get Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD) you lose your memory but you get to keep the ego.  Doesn’t seem fair does it???

how we know if we’re up to the challenge

Those of you who care for people with Alzheimer know that no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try… there are going to be days you find more challenging than others. 

I experience a day like this not too long ago.  DS and DBL, have been taking care of Dad now for three (3) years.   And as a defense mechanism, seem somewhat jade-ed at time.  Now I know why. 

Some of us in our family have our share of Anxiety or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) tendencies (Dad included).  Dad for the most part because of the era he lived in, He simply had to live with the OCD, actually it comes in very handy because his life trade was an accountant.  OCDers love counting numbers – and so it was a good trade for Dad.  Dad also has a tendency to be oppositional.  Now with the so called Alzheimer, these tendencies are unchecked by logic and can wreak havoc on even the most peaceful household. 

We have three dogs, and two cats.  The dogs, during specific times of day are left in the master bedroom.  This keeps them from running around the house.  So dad and I arrive from an outing.  Dad chooses to let the dogs out.  All the while I am standing there saying.  “Dad, don’t let the dogs out yet, let wait till every one gets home.”   Dad let the dogs out anyway.  He simply ignored my request.  No harm intended.   He wanted to let the dogs out. 

Later on, I’m in my room relaxing.  And I hear one of the dogs in my bathroom.  Like Marge Simpson, muttering under my breath while dragging the dogs (all three of them) back to the master bedroom. 

After I gather all the dogs and put them back into the master bedroom; two minutes later, I hear the dogs out again. 

I scream like a raving maniac “Dad!!” 

Then I notice DS and DBL just arrived home and they let the dogs out.  DS looks at me quizzically?  I say, OH! I thought Dad let the dogs out AGAIN!….

It was that moment that I knew that I would never be fit to take care of Dad by myself.  Thank God DS and DBL are here to help!!!!  It takes a whole village to [raise a child and] manage someone with Alzheimer disorder is my point.

Grandpa’s singing a new tune!

<p>Well, I’m told the only way to truly diagnose an Alzheimer patient is after they’re dead, when you examine their brain. So, in my mind, and quite possibly, my mind only. There is ever the slightest chance that Dad may really not have Alzheimer disorder. And could possibly wake-up one day fully conscious and with his memory restored. However, at the same time I acknowledge that often the family is in denial about the patient having Alzheimer at all. </p>
<p>Today, Dad seemed to have some memory recall. Last night we went out to Heidi’s Jazz Club in Cocoa Beach. The was a really sweet night club band playing. They sounded good. Dad was all over the floor dancing with anyone who would dance with him. </p>
<p>Mom taught Dad how to dance in her mother’s basement when they we’re just 13 years old. They were a great dancing pair till the very end. Dad is still very lost without mom.</p>
<p>So, today, Dad woke up remembering what happened yesterday. Surprise, Surprise! Very rare. He couldn’t remember anything beyond yesterday. But we’ll take these little miracles as they come with grateful hearts. </p>
<p>It’s always so nice when he can remember. You don’t find a need to keep telling him what your name is or why we need to go to the car now. Where we’re going in the car. etc. etc. </p>
<p>Hopefully this will be an ongoing trend.</p>