Alone again, naturally

Now looking back over the years
It’s one of those days where it’s gray outside and it’s raining most of the day.  Dad, DBL and DS went out to breakfast.  I needed my space and stayed in.  Later DBL and DS sister started to reclaim the lawn and made a run to the gym.  Dad was cranky.  I made him lunch and he wasn’t happy with it.  So I offered to take him to see a movie. 

And whatever else that appears
I looked up the top movie this week and it was “Tropic Thunder”.  It was rated R so I thought Dad might enjoy the movie.  We headed out to the Movie theater at the local Shopping Mall.  And wouldn’t you know that it started raining in torrents.  We couldn’t see the road for the rain.  No reason to panic as we were just blocks from the theater.  I turned on my hazards and drove carefully.   The rest of the traffic behaved in the same manner. 

I remember I cried when my father died
Well we arrived at the Theater and I dropped Dad off at the front door.  I begged him to wait for me there and to not wander off.  Usually, he is pretty good about this.  I quickly found a parking space and headed towards the movies.  We purchased the tickets to “Tropic Thunder” and entered the Theater. 

Never wishing to hide the tears
With a movie and a Alzheimer’s Disorder (AD) patient, the primary concern is that a movie might be more confusing than enjoyable.  And I had my concerns that the movie would be too confusing for Dad.  We endured the movie for five (5) or ten (10) minutes and both of us wanted to leave the movie.  Why:  The best way I can explain it is this…Sophomoric humor.  Some things cannot be looked at in the light of comedy without disrespecting some one who deeply deserves our respect for their wounds of war.  I’ve never been able to understand it, nor do I hope to. 

And at sixty-five years old
We left the movie and headed to another show down the aisle, “House Bunny”.  Yes, we’ve seen it before, but to Dad, it would be like the first time.  And since I know he liked it, it was a sure thing.  And Dad did enjoy the movie the second time round.  He laughed at all the raunchy jokes. 

My mother, God rest her soul,
Why is that??  How can someone who forgets where his bedroom is, or how to turn on the lights; know when to laugh at raunchy jokes??  All’s I can gander is that it is a universal thing?  I’m think one of the last faculties that my Dad will lose is what he feels for the opposite sex.  I dunno, I could be wrong. 

Couldn’t understand why the only man
One of my greatest fears is that my Dad will start to think that I’m his former wife Mary Anne.  People say I look a lot like her.  And it’s a well known phenomenon that this kind of thing does happen.  I asked my therapist what I should do to prevent this and she says to keep reminding Dad, who I am.  And so I do this.  But I have my doubts that my therapist really has the end-all solution.  If I head due West all of a sudden with no good bye, you’ll know why…It’s not that I don’t love my Dad, but we all have to draw the line somewhere. 

She had ever loved had been taken
I was just in the kitchen warming-up some left overs for dinner, when I heard Dad’s cell phone ring.  I called out, “Dad answer your phone.”  Dad called back, “which button do I push?”  I call back, “Dad bring me your phone and I’ll show you.”  Dad brings me his TV remote and his land line phone.  Now, let remind you this is not a stupid man.  I’ve noticed that Dad’s memory is slipping somewhat more lately.  When Dad brought me the TV remote, I asked him where his cell phone was.  He didn’t know.  I said, check your pockets.  And he found his cell phone.  I did an immediate call back to my DS #2 in Washington State.  Dad was thrilled to hear from her. 

Leaving her to start with a heart so badly broken
This latest loss of memory really scares me.  I’ve had hospice patients with AD who have lost the ability to speak.  And I wonder how far off Dad is from this stage.  That will be a tough cross to bear.  For Dad and for us. 

Despite encouragement from me
I’ve been meaning to pick up the book “Kitchen Table Wisdom” by Rachel Naomi Remen M.D.  I’ve heard it speaks to the caretaker caring for the person locked inside a body that is unresponsive.  And teaches that there is still a living soul within.   I really want to read this book I think I can learn something from it.

No words were ever spoken
And when she passed away
I cried and cried all day
Alone again, naturally
Alone again, naturally

Many Thanks to Gilbert O’Sullivan for the use of his lyrics.

Mares eat oats, and

Does eat oats, and
Friday Night.  Ordinarily day.  Started out with driving Dad to the Senior center.   When we got there and the caretakers greeted Dad they said… Oh look who’s here.  It’s the devil.  Dad laughed liked he enjoyed the reference and strutted into the Senior Center like he was the big man on campus.  These caretakers really know how to stroke Dad’s ego!

a little lamb ‘ll eat ivy.
Looked for a job all day.  Also ordered a new computer.  I should have it in approximately a week.  I’m very excited about this.  My current computer is really outdated and has some issues.  I’m looking forward to a fully functional computer. 

A kid’ll eat ivy too.  Wouldn’t you??
Haven’t heard from Brody today.  Which is okay.  I’d like to hear from him everyday.  And I realize that this is not always possible. 

Mares eat oats, and
Dad came home by way of the Senior Center bus in the after noon.  Dad saw me in the house and said, there you are. . .  When did you get here??  I said, Oh, about three months ago, (we have this conversation nearly daily).  Dad has a hard time remembering that I live here now. 

And Does eat oats, and
We had dinner from a Chinese restaurant.  and later watched a movie on HBO together and dad retired early.  Soon everyone else retired as well to their respective rooms.  Dad’s blood sugar was normal all day.  And for the most part Dad was pretty well grounded the rest of the evening.

and a little lamb’ll eat ivy.
a kid’ll eat ivy too.  Wouldn’t you?